I’ve heard the saying “there’s somebody for everybody” almost my entire life. It started with my mom saying it, and then I heard it peppered in other conversations over time.

Now, I’m not a person who believes in fate or destiny. I know that goes against the grain for many. With the onslaught of countless romance novels and movies, it is practically utopian that serendipitous encounters are what bring people together. I don’t believe in that because it goes against my faith and trust that God has given each of us the gift of free will. If the meeting of one’s paramour is already in place and you’re destined to be with them, then that’s not free will; the choice has already been made for you.

Further, when you meet someone with whom you feel that spark, you still have the choice of whether or not to act on that spark; even more so, even if you were to take steps like exchanging contact information, you then have to make choices – using your free will – to act on that information. And, biggest spoiler, if so many are destined to be together, why do most relationships nowadays end up in heartache only for those same people to go on and swear any number of future loves are their destiny? Ponder that.

Sooo, that brings me back to the question…is there somebody for everybody? In spite of me poo-pooing fate and destiny, I DO think there’s someone for everyone! That is if you want someone!

The Yin & Yang

For that shy person, there is either that yin and yang where they find themselves inexplicably drawn to someone who brings out their inner socialite, or, they meet someone and date someone who could be them just in another person’s body, lol! Their character trait of perpetual shyness connects their hearts and minds; they quickly become genuine best friends because they understand each other like only another shy person can.

This applies to all of us. The overtly sexual person may find themselves attracted to their polar opposite, a person who wants to put off having sexual relations until they know the person better and more deeply, perhaps even wanting to wait for marriage; or they connect with someone who is ready to go at any time and wants and thoroughly enjoys connecting in that way.

I’m sure you see there’s a pattern here. There is somebody for everybody because we have to choose to pursue that initial magnetic pull with someone who is our complete opposite, or someone who is seemingly just like us. That fact makes the choices endless!

There are ways to actively find that special someone for you. Everyone and their mother will tell you to go out and socialize if you want to find your true love, but that’s not all there is to it. The first step is to invest some time in finding out and enjoying who you are as a single person. You’re probably thinking, “But I’m not trying stay single!”

Stay with me here.

The more you know yourself as an individual, the easier it is to find someone who will compliment who you are. Being stable and confident in your own skin, in your own life, helps you better identify the right traits you need in a partner. Basically, if you know who you are, it will be easier to know who you should be with.

“But where do I actually find the one?” you ask. Well, your mom and friends are more than likely right. You most likely have to socialize to a certain extent if you want to improve your chances of finding someone compatible. But you may not find much luck if you just show up at random bars and parties and hope for the best. Instead, try to narrow it down by attending events that you actually have a vested interest in. Think about an interest you would like to share with a potential partner. Love to cook? Try cooking classes and food festivals. Love music? Try live performances and music fan groups. You get the picture. In this way you will create social networks that are more specified to the kind of person you want to be with. And if you don’t end up finding a partner there, you would have enjoyed your time regardless. If you’re more open to taking chances, blind dates and dating apps are always an option.

Make sure to find out early on whether a person’s values and goals align with yours, that way you don’t waste time investing in a relationship that has no chance of working out. As I said earlier, differences in personality and experiences can actually be complimentary. However, conflicting values and goals rarely end well. Things like whether or not someone wants marriage or children are non-negotiable and can make or break a relationship.

Remember this: the perfect person for you is not someone else’s romantic partner. DO NOT act under the delusion that your soulmate is someone who is already married or otherwise attached. It only helps to tear down innocent third parties, as I discuss in my upcoming memoir, Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.

If an attached person is indeed the right one for you, let them first deal with their current partner before starting a relationship with you. Inserting yourself into other people’s relationships is definitely not the happily ever after that you’re looking for.

In all of this, keep an open mind. For many people, finding someone happens in unexpected ways. So, whether you intentionally look for a partner or it happens by chance, keep your heart and mind open to receiving love.

Thank you and I wish you the best if you’re looking for that special someone for you. There is somebody for everybody!

Thank you for stopping by my site today. If you’ve enjoyed this article, please stick around and read some of the excerpts from my aforementioned upcoming memoir, “Woman to woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.” The lovely Ms. Mimi Faust of “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” called it “compelling and hard to put down!”

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