Welcome back my loyal readers! 2020 was quite a year, to say the least. In the midst of the global pandemic, political tensions and economic crises, we as individuals have seen those strains reflected in our relationships and families. Because of this, we must keep working on our personal relationships alongside the big picture world issues. To usher in 2021, I would like to take a brief look at one of the main concepts explored in my upcoming memoir, Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses…Girl Code.
Girl Code can be defined in many ways, but essentially it’s about respecting our fellow women and never going out of our way to hurt one another without cause – and even if you feel you have cause, I say, be the bigger woman. Womankind has accomplished so much, so why are we still so against each other in social and familial circles? We owe it to ourselves to protect and support each other. When you are your sister’s keeper, you help protect the next generation of women from unnecessary pain, just as you would want to be protected. We as a sisterhood can help build each other up if we adhere to Girl Code.
Girl Code is usually used to encourage women to respect each other’s spouses and romantic partners so as not to participate in cheating and infidelity. However, it can also be used in ways that keep women from tearing each other down.
Now, one way to show a total lack of respect for Girl Code would be spreading malicious rumors about another woman, especially when it comes to matters that don’t concern you in the first place.
Recently, news broke that celebrity couple Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West have separated and started divorce proceedings. Amidst the many details circulating about the divorce, TikToker Ava Louise (@realavalouiise on TikTok) made headlines by spreading a rumor that the divorce had been incited by Kanye having an affair with a makeup mogul and major influencer. She made a TikTok video saying that Kanye had been sleeping with an unnamed famous male beauty guru, and she later liked several comments that speculated it was Jeffree Star.
Ava is an influencer who rose to fame after a 2019 appearance on Dr. Phil. She is known for her infamous Coronavirus challenge on TikTok where she began a “trend” by licking a toilet seat on an airplane. She is also known for her single “Skinny Legend Anthem” and she boasts thousands of followers on Instagram and TikTok.
The kicker is that she made the whole thing up. No proof, no real justification. She later admitted to creating the rumor just to get people talking about her. This is the kind of behavior that doesn’t just fly in the face of Girl Code, but kicks it and stomps it into the ground, and makes a mockery of women everywhere. Think how self-centered and heartless one needs to be to create a rumor that will unjustly hurt people who you don’t even know, and don’t know you.
Speaking from experience, I can only imagine that Kim and Kanye are already going through enough pain amidst a public divorce, and stunts like these only add to it. Ava didn’t even spare a thought for the West children who will take an unfair blow through all these false allegations. It honestly takes nothing to spare a thought for your fellow woman, to not tear down their dignity to promote a wholly self-serving agenda. Is tearing down a stranger’s family worth fifteen minutes of social media fame? Let us remember that the celebrities on the news are real people; they have real families and real pain, and as famous as she may be, Kim Kardashian West is a part of our sisterhood.
Another great example happened back in November 2020. Can any of my sisters tell me HOW on God’s green earth, spreading gossip about another woman’s sexual prowess and abilities in the bedroom, is anyone else’s business outside of said woman and her partner? It’s no wonder women are often seen as catty and bitchy.
During their “Fox Soul’s ‘Cocktail with Queens’” in November last year, actress LisaRaye McCoy floated a rumor that “she heard” from someone else, that fellow actress Ms. Halle Berry, is not good in bed. Even if that were true (anytime someone says “I heard” I’m immediately skeptical), why further spread such an unkind piece of unsubstantiated news? What makes us continue to treat each other with disrespect that we ourselves would be ready to fight about if the rumors were flipped around on us?
I admit to being pleasantly surprised that Halle responded to the rumor by simply stating in a tweet, “ask my man…he’ll tell ya all y’all need ta know.”
What is it that makes women want to demean and bring down other women? Is it the long history of living under the rule of patriarchal societies? Could be. I mean, we had to (and still have to) fight to get out from under the thumb of the literal “man.” In that fight, when we do break free, all we know how to do is fight and it appears that fighting spirit has no boundaries. The fight we undertake together as women to release the shackles of our male-dominated world, don’t make us any more sensitive to our sisters who fought alongside us. We’re still in fight mode and most of the time those fights are against each other…not the men.
Girl Code is not just about dating your best friends ex-man. Girl Code is about loyalty to our sisterhood and respect for one another be it in private spaces, or the most public of them. The sister you do wrong today could be the same sister you’ll need when the world is coming down on you. Whether you know a woman personally or not, we all experience the pressures and joys of womanhood, and in that way we are sisters. A community that has each other’s backs is far stronger than one that doesn’t give a second thought about tearing each other down. Be your sister’s keeper. You would be surprised how much you can achieve simply by empathizing with and respecting a woman who could be in your shoes the very next day.
Thank you all for stopping by today. More intriguing posts to come.
LeTisha Jackson is the author of the upcoming memoir “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.” Looking to a spring 2021 release, the ARC of her memoir has garnered rave reviews in its pre-release. Most recently, Ms. Mimi Faust of “Love and Hip Hop Atlanta” fame said her book is “compelling and hard to put down.” Read excerpts here: https://letishajackson.com/2019/11/10/book-excerpt-from-woman-to-woman/