Sorry for the delay my wonderful readers! Your girl was really put through the ringer over the last couple of weeks, from fracturing my toe to a terrible bout of bronchitis all at the same time. I’m on the mend from the bronchitis, and am all splinted (and medicated) up for my fracture.
I had a bunch of emails to wade through, and was pleasantly surprised to come across a letter from a guy who not only sees things from my perspective, but appreciates what I’m trying to accomplish with my blog and upcoming book “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.”
I wrote back to him to get his permission to publish his letter, and he was happy to allow it. So, following is his letter to me, and below that is my response back. Please feel free to comment about his letter, my response or any of the posts here on my site. All respectful feedback and comments are welcome here. Enjoy this week’s post I’ve simply titled, “A Man Who Gets It”:
This might be a little odd getting a letter from a dude who is writing you in response to a book you have coming out that is clearly meant for you ladies. But I came across one of the interviews you did with a cheating husband on my FB feed and after reading it (it was really good by the way), I read a few of the letters on your blog that are from the wives and mistresses, and all I can say is kudos!
Not sure if my opinion will mean anything to you, probably not, but I wanted to say I think what you’re saying is brave and spot on. It’s about time a female spoke the truth about the dynamics of adulterous relationships. I mean it really does seem to be a deep-seated problem within your community, and not so much about the men who cheat. Don’t kill me. Like you, I’m not at all saying that the cheaters get a free pass, I’m just saying that if women would stop faking their “we support each other in everything” relationships and really started to fix the underlying issues you clearly have with one another, the problem of adultery would just about be done away with. You’ve pretty much cracked the problem with what you’re putting out there. If every woman said no to every married man who hit on them, those men would have no women to cheat with, so it really does seem to me that the bigger problem is the messed up dynamic between women. I’m just glad that a woman is having the guts to say it out loud. I’m sure you’re getting some angry feedback from your “sisters” who think you’re making excuses for us, but know that I get it and I actually do think your book is going to help do some healing among women. Hey, at the very least you’ll finally get a real conversation going on what the real problem is. And as a man I kind of just want to say thank you. Yes for taking some of the heat off of us, but more because you’re not afraid to tell the truth even in the face of the criticism you are certain to get in this feminist-heavy era. I also want to apologize to you on behalf of men for what you may have gone through when your loser husband hurt you. He clearly didn’t appreciate what he had.
I wish you the best of luck with your book. Please let me know when it comes out because I will certainly buy it. I’ll probably keep it out on my living room table so that when my female friends come over complaining about their cheating boyfriends, they’ll see your book on my table, want to read it and finally get off their mans backs (cause the men aren’t going to change), and get to the heart of the matter and go converse with the woman he’s cheating with. Change the female dynamic on this topic and you’ll help fix the real problem, so don’t stop what you’re doing no matter what anyone says.
Good luck LeTisha!
A Guy Who Agrees With You
Dear “Guy Who Agrees With Me”:
First, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me and express your gratitude for what I’m striving to accomplish. You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to lambast you for your opinion, lol! Even for those who don’t agree with me, I still have the utmost respect for their input; and yes, you could not be more correct about the biting criticism I’m receiving for my stance on this sensitive topic. Those who come for me, and it is ALL women, only make my point for me…that this “we run the world” and have each other’s backs act, is not altogether true, and that we women still have work to do when it comes to how we relate to, see, and treat one another. No matter how many times I say that I’m not giving the men an out or excusing them from their culpability in an adulterous affair, all some women seem to see is that I’m attacking and blaming women for the cheater’s actions. To me, many of them are women who accept no responsibility for their own actions and don’t want to feel the remorse they should have for being part of tearing another woman’s life apart. I am, however, very excited about what’s being said on both sides of the conversation because my book and my blog are already doing EXACTLY what I want them to do, and that’s start a REAL conversation that is going to take much longer than a 1-hour talk show to dissect, heal and put back together.
Thank you for expressing your thoughts, and even more, thank you for having the courage to write to me and thank you for allowing me to share your letter with my readers. I also appreciate your sympathy for me and what I endured when I was faced with betrayal in my own marriage; and you’re absolutely right, my ex did not appreciate the great wife he had in me.
I hope you’re a man who finds satisfaction in being faithful, or at the very least, avoids being in “committed” relationships if you are not truly ready to be monogamous. Don’t break hearts…we only have the one.
Thanks again for weighing in, and be sure to tell your circle of male friends about my blog and upcoming book. Tell them they are free to contact me and lend their voices to the conversation as well. I am always interested in trying to get inside the head and heart of men whether they’re heartbreaking Casanova’s or faithful to their chosen love.
With Respect & Gratitude,