Hello loyal readers! I hope all of you are staying safe and that you and your loved ones are well. Thank you for your continued support.
The wife, Jayla, from this interview, reached out to me and was kind enough to do an interview for us. Some think adultery is an old topic with not much else to be said on the subject. Well, you and I know they’re wrong. Where most focus on a cheating husband, or why women stay with cheaters, my focus is and will continue to be on another aspect of the betrayal, the betrayal from “woman to woman.”
Our sisterhood is strengthened with each woman who adds her voice to this conversation. Enjoy this interview with Jayla, our sister dealing with the hurt put upon her, not only by her husband, but by another woman.
LeTisha: Hi Jayla. Thank you so much for doing this interview with me for my audience. I really appreciate it.
Jayla: You’re welcome.
LeTisha: So, let’s start with the basic questions. How long have you been married?
Jayla: Married for 16 years, but together for 22 years.
LeTisha: Wow! That’s a long time. An eternity by today’s standards.
Jayla: It feels like an eternity.
LeTisha: Any babies?
Jayla: 2. Two girls. 10 and 12.
LeTisha: Ok. So, you were together for 6-years before you got married. Any particular reason, or reasons, it so long?
Jayla: It was him mostly. But I when I look back, I can see times when I knew we weren’t ready too.
LeTisha: What were those times?
Jayla: Um, he needed to get his temper under control. I mean he never hit me or got physical with me, but when he got mad, he got enraged and I admit, it scared me, but what really gave me doubt about him was he didn’t seem to care that his temper was affecting our girls.
LeTisha: I’ve been there. My second husband’s temper was off the charts. I barely got out of that marriage with my life. Literally. But that’s a whole other story. So, were there any other reasons you waited so long to get married?
Jayla: I think he’s been cheating on me for years.
LeTisha: What makes you think that?
Jayla: Not coming home till the next day. Not answering my calls. The typical stuff.
LeTisha: Yeah, I know that stuff all too well. Unfortunately, too many of us do. So, you reached out to me after coming across my website. You said you were pulled in by the letters from the wives AND the mistresses. Do you recall exactly what it was about the letters that, to use your words, “pulled you in.”
Jayla: Yes. It was the honesty by both sets of women. Of course, I fall into the “wives” category, so one of the mistresses’ letters got me hot.
LeTisha: That has got to be the mistress letter where the woman was blaming the wife and said she had nothing to apologize for.
Jayla: Yes! Oh my god! I wanted to know her name, find her and punch her in her godd*** mouth!
LeTisha: Yeah that letter got a few comments when I first posted it. That’s a perfect segue into what you wanted to talk about…”the other woman.”
Jayla: Yeah. I think like you. So, I think what you’re doing IS going to make a difference. No one I know of has really had the guts to say that women who mess around with married men are betraying us. Like, how do you have no problem with tearing up my family? Anybody’s family. What did I do to you? What did my girls do to you? See, that’s the thing. Those women who do that don’t have to deal with the fallout over here. You know what I mean?
LeTisha: Yes…all to well.
Jayla: They know he’s married, and instead of having some self-respect, respect for the sanctity of marriage, and respect for me as a woman, they just jump in without giving the consequences to the family a second thought!
(She starts crying)
LeTisha: I understand. Do you need a minute?
Jayla: No, I’m okay. I’m okay with crying it out. Women need to know the pain they’re causing another woman.
LeTisha: And that’s exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing. I’m taking this discussion all around the world if I can.
Jayla: As you should. I’m sure this isn’t just a problem in America.
LeTisha: I’m sure it isn’t. So, what happened? How did you find out about your husband’s mistress?
Jayla: The bit** had the nerve to call me!
LeTisha: Ok, I’m still at 100% of wives who’ve reached out to me who have found out about her cheating spouse from the other woman! Man they have balls! What did this one say?
Jayla: It was odd. I hate to even say it but, she was actually really nice. She asked if I was his wife. I said yes and asked who I was speaking with. She said her name and then said my husband is her fiancée.
LeTisha: WHAT???? (yes I screamed that)
Jayla: I asked her when this wedding is supposed to happen. She said it was supposed to happen this past Valentine’s day.
LeTisha: What is it about that day? I personally hate that day and you’ll get to read why in my book. But anyway, did she say why they didn’t end up getting married on the day, quote, unquote, “of love”?
Jayla: Yeah. She said they got into a big argument and he called it off. She said the argument was over something stupid so she knew he was just trying to pick a fight to get out of the wedding. I asked her how long they’ve been together, she said about 10 months. Then I asked if she knew he was married from the start.
Jayla: She knew.
LeTisha: So, wait, how did she think she was going to get married if he’s already married?
Jayla: I don’t know girl. Women who take up with married men aren’t real bright, so ain’t no telling what she was thinking. She said he picked an argument to get out of it, but she knew he was still married so unless he was going to be a bigamist, she had to know their wedding wasn’t going to happen.
LeTisha: Did you ask her why she got involved with your husband.
Jayla: Yep! She said he just kept coming at her and she claimed she told him the most she could offer him was friendship. She said he kept buying her stuff. Was helping her with her bills. Helping pay for her to go back to school. All kinds of stuff. She said at some point she couldn’t resist him anymore. I asked her if she knew we have children together. She said yes, and that that was one of the main reason’s she couldn’t do it at first.
LeTisha: Yeah…at first.
Jayla: Yep. She said her family got tore up over her father cheating, and it broke hers and her siblings hearts not having her parents together.
LeTisha: See. That’s what I’m getting down to in “Woman to Woman.” The brazen hypocrisy. The complete lack of compassion we have for one another. It doesn’t seem to matter what we go through as women, we always somehow justify doing to another woman what we DON’T want done to us. How could she justify doing that to your kids remembering how she felt?
Jayla: She didn’t. Rather, she couldn’t. She actually said she knew what a hypocrite she’s being. She tried to apologize for hurting my daughters.
LeTisha: How did that make you feel?
Jayla: Even angrier.
Jayla: Because you’re fuc**** apology means nothing if you thought about the damage you were doing, but then you did the sh** anyway! I told her to save that for the next wife she calls.
LeTisha: Wohhh! What did she say to that?
LeTisha: Did she say anything else?
Jayla: She said she was going to apologize for hurting me, but she could tell I wasn’t going to believe her. She did say it was over between them, but then said she don’t think she’s the only woman he’s cheating on me with.
LeTisha: Just piling the hurt on huh?
Jayla: I’ll be honest. I didn’t take it that way. I think she was genuinely trying to warn me. I mean I say that now, but when she said it all I remember doing was hanging up the phone. I can’t remember if I said anything else to her. My mind kinda went blank. I think my brain was trying to protect my heart from feeling anymore pain. I couldn’t listen to her tell me anything else.
LeTisha: I understand that? I want to ask you a question. I wrote an eGuide for women who subscribe to my email list that gives reasons why wives should talk to the other woman if the opportunity presents itself. I know that sounds crazy at first thought, but now that some time has gone by, oh wait…how long ago did she call you?
Jayla: 3 weeks ago today.
(we did this interview on July 11)
LeTisha: Ok, so you’ve had a little bit of time to process that conversation. So back to what I was about to ask. I wrote an eGuide that gives a few reasons why women should talk to the other woman if the opportunity presents itself, and that might sound crazy to some, but do you think if the opportunity presents itself, a wife should talk to her husband’s mistress? Do you think that conversation was helpful?
Jayla: Girl you gone get some, some, I don’t know, some hate, some backlash on that one!
(we both laugh)
Jayla: If you had asked me that question BEFORE I talked to her I would’ve…can I be completely honest in what I would’ve said to you?
LeTisha: Of course.
Jayla: Knowing me I probably would’ve said “bit**, have you lost your mind?” But now being on the other side and it actually happened to me, I would actually say yes. They should go ahead and talk to her.
LeTisha: I’m surprised you said yes! And yes, I’m prepared for the backlash. I’m already getting backlash from what my book is about. But I’m resolute in my stance and I know it’s going to start real and much needed conversations between women.
Jayla: As you should be. I commend you for that. And I’m on your side. Women DO need to talk more about this because it’s a problem that’s actually getting worse in my opinion. We’ve come all this way, yet and still we treat each other worse as time goes on.
LeTisha: Thank you. I really appreciate that. I agree with you, and that’s something my book points out. I say “we will march together, cry together, stand up together, and come together for most anything that has to do with uplifting our gender. But, when it comes to a man we want, even a married one, all our unity and compassion for one another all but disappears.” I coined the term “convenience-based loyalty.”
Jayla: What’s that?
LeTisha: We only show loyalty to our sisterhood when its convenient. Like, we’re loyal to it if we’re coming together for say, ending workplace sexual harassment, or fighting for equal pay in the workplace. For THOSE things and others, we’ll show a united front, but when that fight diminishes, all that unity is gone. It’s like we use each other. When the marching stops, we go right back to walking all over each other.
Jayla: I feel you on that one, and unfortunately it’s true.
Jayla: I think a lot of wives feel like us but are afraid to say it out loud for one reason or another. I don’t know why. Well, yes I do. Women get intimidated by other women. I mean, anytime there’s been, say a celebrity couple where the man cheated. If any female, the wife included, dares to go off on the other woman, women lay into those females. Do you remember what females said to Khloe Kardashian on social media when she dared to call Jordan out?
LeTisha: Oh my god, yes! I actually use that exact scenario in my book!
(we both laugh)
Jayla: Yeah. Women went OFF on ol’ girl! Then Khloe backed down.
LeTisha: Yep! She sure did. And I agree with you 100%. Women have bullied other women into staying quiet about something that NEEDS to be talked about between us.
Jayla: It really does. I got your back girl. Women who do that ARE to blame. They ARE betraying our sisterhood. I can’t wait for your book to come out. Please make sure you let me know whenever, or wherever you’ll be doing book signings or talks, ‘cause I’ll be in the front row!
(we both laugh)
LeTisha: I will girl. I’m going to need all the support I can get! You know I’ll let all my girls know when and where I’ll be. I hope things get back to normal for us sooner rather than later ‘cause I really want to be able to do in-person book signings. There’s already been some talk about putting symposiums together with all-female panels and all female audiences, and I would be a keynote speaker. Of course, that won’t happen if we don’t get this virus situation under control.
Jayla: True, but be positive and patient. Don’t rush putting it out. I know you want it out but wait to put it out when it’ll get the attention it should have.
LeTisha: Thank you Jayla. It’s hard being patient. I hoped to put it out this summer, but the virus resurged. Now it’s looking like it won’t be till next year, but I’m okay with that. I’ll just keep working on it, and growing my audience so it can have a successful release. Thank you for the encouragement. But, back to you girl. How did things go down with your husband after that phone call?
Jayla: LeTisha, it was…
(she pauses for about 7 seconds, and her voice is cracking when she begins talking)
Jayla: It was…it was awful. That’s all I can say.
LeTisha: Are you okay?
Jayla: No. No, I’m not.
LeTisha: Do you want to end here, or finish up another day?
Jayla: Nope. I contacted you. I want to tell the whole story.
LeTisha: Okay, but if you change your mind, it’s no problem to finish later.
LeTisha: So, how did you confront your husband with what you had just found out?
Jayla: I did something I shouldn’t have.
LeTisha: Oh lord.
Jayla: As soon as he came through the front door, I…
Be sure you’re subscribed to this blog so you don’t miss the conclusion of this interview with Jayla. You don’t want to miss it!
If you’ve enjoyed reading this post, I encourage you to stick around and read others. You definitely want to read the letter from that mistress Jayla spoke about.
I’m working hard on so many things for you, my loyal audience. I extend my sincerest thank you for your support, and for hanging in with me all this time. You will not be sorry. Add your voice to the conversation now by joining my new FB Group, “Woman to Woman – Healing from Emotional Betrayal: Healing our Fractured Sisterhood.”
My memoir, “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses” is worth the wait. I promise you we’re strategizing on when a good time will be for its release. I’m sure you all understand that 2020 has been a heck of a year so far. There has yet to be a good window of time where I could have released it without it getting buried. I worked too hard on it for that to happen.
I hope all of you and your loved ones are staying safe and well during these trying times.
Thank you all. Stay tuned. More great stuff to come!