Woman to woman – please stop running into burning houses sounds like ridiculous, almost comical advice, doesn’t it? But it’s not a joke. When we decide to get involved with or stay involved with someone who has shown a propensity to be disrespectful to women…any woman, we are running towards danger.
Think of it this way. If you’re about to enter a house but someone tells you to stay back because the house is on fire, you do the wise thing by taking a step back to look for smoke or signs of fire, right? You wouldn’t just ignore them and run inside. Well, do the same thing when you see, or someone warns you about someone’s pattern of bad behavior towards women. Take a step back and look for the “smoke” as it were, or the signs that there’s something there that could hurt you, or worse, take your life. Please don’t just charge ahead thinking a fire – a disrespectful partner – won’t damage you the same way it would damage someone else.
I wouldn’t get involved with a man I saw or heard berate another woman. When I saw that “Flip or Flop” start Tarek El Moussa was allegedly recorded calling his ex-wife, Christina Haack, a “washed-up loser,” what struck me was how unafraid he was to say that in front of others. It doesn’t take an Elon-esque mind to know that if someone will speak to you like that in public, they’re the same, if not worse, in private.
Woman to Woman – Please Stop Running into Burning Houses
I know some of you might offer up a debate by saying “well that was his relationship with her, I’m sure he treats his new relationship differently/better.” You’d really have to convince me that that’s true. I’ve learned enough in my 31-years as an adult that while people can have different dynamics with other people, the core of who and what they are is the same.
I acknowledge that certain people can bring out a different side to people, both positive and negative. Yes, some people rub people the wrong way. But I have learned that the same thing that prompts a person to publicly insult one person is the same thing that prompts the same person to shower another partner with affection and a lot of times that can be chalked up to simple manipulation. Don’t you realize an abusive person at one time treated their previous partner with the same affections? It’s my opinion that the new partner just hasn’t done anything they deem worthy of their bad side (or maybe they have, and we just don’t have it on a recording).
I don’t know about you, but I’m done with the dumb stuff! And if you think the purpose of me writing this piece is to try and talk you out of staying with someone you love who treats you (or any woman) with vapid disrespect, you would be right! I’m speaking to you “woman to woman” and I’m saying it’s enough with the excuses, justifications, rationalizations, and so-called reasons for why we put up with and stay with someone who shows abusive tendencies toward women.
I’m not going to fill this piece with statistics about how many of our sisters are living in homeless or domestic violence protection shelters, or how many reports of abuse against women by their partners are reported each day, but I am going to tell you that not a day goes by where I don’t read that one, or more, women have been killed by their domestic partners. I need all of us to stop thinking “it can’t happen to me.” I’m sure many of those no longer with us said the exact same thing and now their families are left to deal with the questions we all ask, questions like “why didn’t she leave?” or “why didn’t I do more to help her?” or “why didn’t she ask for help”?
My dear sisters, please don’t leave your loved ones asking those same questions about you.
Some of you might believe that the love of a different partner can move someone to behave differently. Sorry, I don’t believe that. I think the only way a person makes long-lasting and genuine changes is through self-accountability and accepting full responsibility for their behavior. You’re not accepting responsibility if your answer to why you belittled a woman is “well she… or “I’m not usually like that but she…
Accepting responsibility sounds like “what I did was unacceptable AND I… not “but SHE…”
Forget about just wanting better for ourselves ladies, let’s start knowing we don’t deserve anything less than the very best, and if someone can’t give us their very best, leave them alone…immediately! No more allowing ourselves to be manipulated into accepting that someone’s negative behavior or disrespect is our or the other person’s fault – that’s why it’s called SELF control – and maintaining self-control is a choice. Women accepting excuses of inexcusable behavior have led to far too many of them ending up in physically abusive relationships, or worse. And yes, I speak from personal experience. I’ll share that story at some point.
No. More. Excuses! No. More. Justifications!
If you know someone has the tendency toward a pattern of disrespecting women, don’t add your name to that list. Please don’t revert back to teenaged thinking of “well that’s her” or “she must have…” or “he wouldn’t do that to me,” because then you’re playing the same blame game as the offender. Neither you, nor I, nor any other female deserves to be mistreated, disrespected, and/or abused.
I’ve written this piece because the rise in domestic violence against our sisters is astounding. The daily reports of women being killed by their partners is more than heartbreaking and I can’t stay quiet about it any longer. We have to stop and be more careful about the person with whom we choose to have a relationship. No more waving off bad behavior as if it were just happenstance. No more using ourselves as the experimental mouse where we test the waters by staying with someone who is showing red flags from the start, in the middle or several years into our relationship.
These days ending these types of relationships from the very start can be the difference between getting out alive, or not. Please stop thinking you are an exception to the rule. It CAN happen to you.
I love all you sisters, and it’s that love that keeps me speaking the truth with you whether you want to be one who makes excuses or not. I don’t want to lose any more of you to an abusive partner.
So, please take what I’ve said to heart because I’ve spoken out of genuine concern, I’ve spoken out of love and I’ve spoken to you “woman to woman.”
I welcome your respectful feedback on this article or any of my pieces. Give me your opinions on this issue, or any other involving women and our sisterhood. Thank you.
LeTisha is a published author and a Women’s Empowerment Advocate. Through her recently released memoir, “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses,” she has begun a true “Sisterhood Revolution” whereby she exacts personal accountability, honest communication, and compassion in her efforts to draw women together and heal what she sees as a “fractured sisterhood.”
Star of “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta,” Ms. Mimi Faust calls ‘Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses” “compelling and hard to put down.” Award-winning Journalist & TV Host, Bridget Smith said ‘Woman to Woman’ is “a freshly written exploration into the painful, and powerful impact of deception. Most importantly, this work examines the dynamic relationship women play in each other’s lives.”
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Thank you all for your kind support.
If you or anyone you know is being subjected to domestic violence, PLEASE ask for help and reach out to the:
National Domestic Violence Hotline // Hours: 24/7. // Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service. Call 800-799-7233 // SMS: Text START to 88788
(article image created by: https://www.facebook.com/panagiotis.lampridis )
(“Flip or Flop”// Pie Town Productions //HGTV)
(Article “Tarek El Moussa Is ‘Super Remorseful’ He ‘Lashed Out’ at Ex Christina Haack, Says Source.” People Magazine // Gabrielle Chung & Hannah Chubb)