Please enjoy the following sample reading from my upcoming book, “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.”
“Some might say we support each other where and when it counts—but where could woman-to-woman support be more meaningful than when it comes to helping families stay together? Is that not what we want when we get married? Why then would we as women become the purveyors, and causers of what may break another family apart? I just do not understand that. Do you? The pain that women put on one another is perplexing to me. We hate it when our partners cheat on us, but then we are okay if we are the ones they cheat with. Some women have become nonchalant about being labeled a ‘side-piece,’ allowing men to treat them as if they came out of a bucket of original or extra crispy. Moreover, the excuses and justifications for getting involved with another woman’s husband show just how far from loyal we are.
Speaking of justifications, there are many, from ‘he pursued me,’ to ‘he was separated.’ Whatever the excuse given, it does nothing to lessen the degree of hurt heaped upon the spouse by the betrayal. It is a betrayal no matter how you look at it, or how you try and reason away your involvement. Here are some of the more common justifications I have heard during my lifetime, and what I, and many other wives, think about them.
Justification #1: \’You cannot help who you fall in love with.‘
Even if that were true, you sure in hell can help who you fall in bed with! I, for one, believe that we have more ability to avoid having our feelings grow for a person for whom it is inappropriate. If you find yourself attracted to someone who is off limits, you take the appropriate steps to keep your distance from that person. You do not find ways, and faux reasons to be in their presence. You certainly do not exchange phone numbers. You do not allow yourself to become the shoulder they use to cry on about their relationship. You definitely do not flirt with them, nor do you reciprocate if they try to flirt with you. Quite simply, you let it be known right up front that you are not interested in getting involved with someone who is already in a committed relationship. Any combination of these hands-off diversions, or all of them together, will keep you from developing an emotional connection. The truth of the matter is, if you get to the point where you claim to be falling in love, you have chosen to do so despite the reality of his situation. The idea that we cannot control our feelings seems to be based on romantic comedies that make it seem as though we fall under love spells with no ability to think rationally. Well I for one am sick of everybody jumping on rom-com bandwagons of justifications for getting involved with married people. Since when can we not control our own feelings? They are our feelings right? You either feed those feelings, or dissuade those feelings by feeding your mind excuses and garbage, or by feeding it truth and wisdom; and wisdom would tell your mind, and heart, that it is 100% wrong to allow yourself to get emotionally attached to another woman’s husband. Come on people! I cannot be the only one who knows this. Mature adults can use their logic and reason to surmise that allowing themselves to develop feelings for someone who is married would be harmful to all involved.
Justification #2: ‘He’s my soulmate.‘
How is someone else’s husband your soulmate? Hate to go Biblical on you, but I have to stop you with that stupid stuff. God said that a husband, and wife become one upon the taking of their vows before Him. Nowhere in there was there an addendum that included you! So, how do you rationalize that someone else’s husband is your other half? Just tell the truth behind that lie. You are selfish, you do not care about his wife (and possibly children), and you want him to yourself. Stop trying to romanticize the wrongness, and nastiness of it all. This is not a movie, it is real life, and you are knowingly, and actively helping to tear another woman’s heart out. I am not a fan of movies that grant happy endings for the cheating spouse and the person with whom they cheated. Not only does that rarely ever happen, but it feeds the notion that it is okay to tear someone down, and destroy families, as long as you get what you want in the end. Those movies do not dare show the other side, the destruction left behind in the form of a broken wife, along with confused and heart-broken children.
Justification #3: ‘He pursued me.‘
So! And? A married man came at you hard, so you feel like what? Like that makes you the chosen one? Like that makes you less culpable in the affair? In this time when women hold more power than ever, when did you begin to accept being relegated to just being a ‘side piece?’ What in the world is wrong with you? Let us take that term apart, and see how much pride you take in it then. ‘Side’ means you are not in the front. It portrays you as an extra, something that is easily left behind or pushed aside. Why are you okay with that? Do I really even need to talk about the word ‘piece.’ Women are not pieces. Chicken is something you get a piece of. Sad fact though, as the other woman, you have in fact established yourself as that man’s piece of meat.
Justification #4: ‘He’s separated.‘
This is probably the excuse that upsets me the most. Here we are as a society making up our own rules when we do not like the ones that are in place because they do not appeal to our selfish desires. Since when does separated mean divorced? Let me make it really simple for you ladies…he is married until he is not! Even if he is in the divorce process, until the Judge finalizes the divorce, hear me now…he is still married! So stop with the dumb stuff. When another woman has her snatch all up in the face of a husband whose marriage is having trouble, she is selfishly not giving him, or his wife the ability to try and heal what is broken. Now, you as the other woman may have had nothing to do with whatever caused their rift, but when you get involved with a married man who is separated from his wife, you cheat him, his wife, his family, and yourself out of finding out whether this tryst is just an escape. Men can be vulnerable too, and you can catch a man at a time when he is having doubts about his marriage, at a time when his ego needs a serious boost, and you can fill a void when he is at his lowest point. However, you are just that, a void-filler, a distraction, and an unfair one at that. Give the man a chance to get his head, and heart together. You know good and well that you are taking advantage of the situation. If that is the only way you can get him, then you have to know it is not real, and more than likely, it will not last.
Justification #5: ‘His wife wasn’t doing what she was supposed to be doing.‘”
To read the commentary on this blood-boiling justification, you’ll have to wait for the book! There are also 3 other popular “justifications” with commentary, along with real-life input from some men who volunteered to give us women “the truth behind the lies” when it comes to falsehoods, and what the truth really is when they feed us tired old lines they might use when seeking out women with whom to have an extra-marital affair. So be sure to pick up a copy of “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses” upon its upcoming release.
As always, I welcome your respectful feedback on this, or any of my other posts. Please be sure to go back and read some of the real-life letters from wives to mistresses in prior posts.
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