Book Excerpt: Letter From a Wife to a Mistress

To Anonymous Mistress:

Where do I even begin something like this?  What can I say that women like you haven’t already heard?  What string of words can I put together that might light within in you some semblance of regret?  And even if you were to express regret, would that light within me any semblance of forgiveness?  I don’t think you have any idea what this betrayal feels like.  You couldn’t possibly know, because I have to believe that if you did, there would have been no way you could do this to someone else.  Finding out the love of my life had been “making love” to another woman has been mind shattering, and a heartbreak I can barely put into words.  I think I want to know why, but any question I ask, and actually get answered, only brings about a slew of other questions.  Some of which I want to know the answer to, and others I admit I am not sure I want to know.  I want to know why you?  You’re not prettier than me.  You’re not as educated as I am.  Your teeth are stained.  You’re not in good shape.  Your hair is greasy.  Sure, these are just mostly physical attributes, and I know that women are more than just their outer appearance, but now that I incessantly compare myself to you, that’s all I can focus on.  What could my gorgeous, intelligent, and physically fit husband see in you and want from you that I didn’t give him?  I can only guess that it really does come down to just wanting different.  That only makes me feel worse.

He told you he was married, but that didn’t stop you.  And yes, I know women like you say it should have stopped him, and yes it should have, but I guess I naively expect women to not only want better for themselves, but to actually care about other women.  That was very stupid of me.  You clearly didn’t think about me, but did you think about our children and what your affair would do to them when they found out?  They are old enough to know what adultery is, so did you think about how what you were doing would affect their innocent hearts, and how it would change how they see people?  They will eventually forgive their father because they love him, but this could develop in them an illogical distrust of people, and no parent wants their child to have preconceived notions, or negative feelings towards others just because of something like this.  I know you didn’t think about any of us, all you wanted was to try and take my place, and you didn’t care who got hurt.  How sad is your life that you have to try and take someone else’s?  How pathetic are you to think you could just step into my shoes and have my life?  How did you think you would win over my children when they know you’re the reason their parents are separated?  What a dumb soulless whore you are.  You help tear apart a family, but as long as you get what you want that’s all that matters.  Sorry, that’s not how life works.  There are consequences for your actions, and my husband calling you with me on the phone to tell you it was over, and you meant nothing, was just the beginning of your comeuppance.  I got immense pleasure listening to you try and beg him not to leave you before he told you I was on the phone.  He told you he wanted to fix his family, and be the kind of father his children deserved, and you heard none of that.  All you could think to do was try and remind him of your disgusting sex together, to try and seduce him through your fake tears.  That’s why wives hate the woman in these situations, because even when you’re faced with the reality of the situation, you could care less about all the other people you’re hurting with your actions.  You didn’t care that he wanted to fix his relationship with his children, all you cared about was getting laid.  How disgusting of a human being are you?

You’re worthless in my eyes, and not because you slept with my husband, but because not even innocent children mean anything to you.  I loved being able to tell you to stay the hell away from my husband, and only get utter silence from you when you realized you’d lost.  Well that’s what happens to losers…they lose!  I hope this teaches you a huge lesson.  Married couples are not just boyfriend and girlfriend, we don’t just “break up.”  We made vows that included “for better or for worse,” and you certainly are the worse.  More often than not, if the wife can find a way to forgive her cheating husband, women like you will be dumped and treated like nothing.  Maybe you’ll think about that before you go after another woman’s man.

I wish I was a big enough person to say I hope you never experience the devastating pain you put on me, but I’m not.  I hope you do get a man who is your everything, and then another woman gives you no thought and beds him, and leaves you curled up in the fetal position crying your eyes out, trying to figure out how many pills you can take, and how much alcohol you can drink to stop the pain for just a moment.  Yes, that’s what you did to me.  I’m not proud of it, but I want you to know what you and my husband put me through.  I could barely function.  I couldn’t be the mother my children deserved.  I couldn’t be the daughter.  I couldn’t the friend.  I was nothing of my former self.  I disappeared inside myself because all I thought I knew was a lie.

You know what, I’m going to stop here because as much as I want you to know how badly I was hurt, I don’t want to give you any satisfaction in thinking you destroyed me.  Yes, your actions hurt me deeply, but I have risen, and I am healing right along with my family…MY family.

When I got the notice from this Author about this whole thing, I didn’t quite understand what good it could do, but now I understand more of what she is trying to do.  While I feel nothing but hatred for you right now, women do need to have this conversation.  Women like you need to know the harm you are contributing to when you go after another woman’s husband.  I don’t know what wives could possibly learn from the mistresses, I guess we’ll have to see when the book comes out.  Anyway, I do feel much better having put my feelings into this letter.  Maybe you’ll realize this letter was written to you, maybe you won’t.  I feel a weight lifted because I’ve been given a forum to express my feelings for women like you.  Maybe I’ll be able to forgive you one day, or at least, not hate you.  I’ll have to get there not for you, but for myself.  Don’t do this to anyone else.  No one deserves to have this put on them, especially children.

From Anonymous Wife

Another real-life letter from a wife who wanted to have her voice heard, and her feelings expressed. All of us can sense her pain, and understandable anger, especially with regards to how these types of situations affects innocent children.

A few of the letters, from both the wives and the mistresses, make statements about not at first understanding my goal in having these 2 groups of women write these letters, but after writing, they do. My goal for writing this book has always been about healing, and unfiltered truth. I believe women have a deep, cathartic connection simply because we are women, and with that, we should have a sense of loyalty to one another that rises above selfish desires, which is what adultery is…a selfish desire.

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