Hello my wonderfully supportive readers. It can be frustrating having so much to say, but not knowing exactly what to say, and when. However, after talking to a few of you directly over the last week or two, you inspired the writing for this weeks post.
So many of you amazing ladies have shared your heartache with me about enduring adultery in your own marriages. While I am sincerely sorry that you had to go through such a devastating thing, I am honored that you would share your story with me. That is exactly why I am writing this book. Listen, I know that the subject of adultery has been talked about as far back as pre-Bible times, and some will rightfully wonder what more can really be said on the subject. I get that. However, my book is not just about adultery, it is about something I believe we have failed to address openly. My book is about “the other woman,” and centers on the dynamic of our woman to woman loyalty…or lack of it.
I have already had a pre-review of my book, and the review said that my book has a “refreshing,” albeit “controversial,” take on the subject of adultery. Why controversial? Because even though adultery involves two people, I am taking to task the women in the affairs, and not the men. As stated in my book: It seems taboo, the placing of blame on the “other woman” who gets involved with another woman’s husband. Any put upon wife who dares say aloud that the other woman is just as culpable as her spouse, opens herself to harsh backlash,and decries from women who say that that blame is misplaced, unacceptable, irresponsible, untrue, and is a step back in the female empowerment movement. This book delves into the broken sisterhood, the unspoken bond of loyalty that is often too easily broken when it comes to fulfilling our desires for a man, and more poignantly, a married man.
Yes, I am going there. I am chartering into this sensitive, but long overdue territory.
We live in confusing times. I say that because we are told to speak our minds unashamedly, while at the same time, if we say something that the masses don’t like or agree with, we open ourselves up to shaming, blaming, ridicule, and for some, threats. Fortunately for you, my readers, I could care less about what someone else thinks with regards to what is my truth, my life, and my perspective. I speak from the heart. I am honest with what I say with regards to what I went through, and how I feel about what was done to me; and if what I say makes some uncomfortable, then I would ask them to do some introspection to find out from where, and, why, that discomfort is arising.
I had a great conversation with an old friend the other day, and she shared her devastating story with me about what she is going through in the aftermath of her husbands affair. During the conversation we were talking a little bit about the subject of my book, and when I said that my book is heavy on the subject of the mistress, and her culpability in the affair, my friends first reaction was to say, “no, it’s all his fault.” I absolutely agreed with her that the men are at fault, but when I got onto the subject of female loyalty, she agreed that women are to blame as well. She ultimately ended up expressing her anger at, and her deep resentment towards women who have no problem putting this pain upon another woman. So, you see my loyal readers, I know for a fact that I am not alone in my feelings on the matter. The letters that I am receiving from wives to be published in the book, the letters that are addressed directly to the other woman who got involved with their husbands – whether they know them or not – lets me know that a large portion of ladies feel exactly as I do. If you have not done so, please read the post, “Letter from a Wife to a Mistress.”
More on that point. The blame is not just a shallow, surface blame; because, yes, we know that in grown-up adulterous affairs, there are two people making the decision. The direction of blame towards the other woman goes much deeper. In “Legs Wide Open: The Woman to Woman Betrayal Breaking the Bonds of Sisterhood” (still a tentative title), you will go on an emotional ride with me; a ride that is sad, honest, tragic, but yet still bonding…I hope. The issue of woman to woman loyalty is key, and that is really what my book is about. We are sisters. Just being women bonds us; a bond of support that has led women to becoming powerful world leaders. However, if we are truly ever going to “run the world,” as our sister Ms. Queen Bae herself sang, we must first check ourselves to find out if we are really for each other, or against each other.
I hope that each and every one of you, actually, every one of us, will decide that loyalty is key when it comes to us rebuilding, and restrengthening the bonds of our sisterhood. The issue of how women treat each other goes much deeper than catty remarks about whose too fat, whose too skinny, whose a homewrecker, and so on, and so forth. The role of women in an adulterous affair speaks to how we genuinely feel about one another. My book makes a profound statement I hope garner’s self-reflection. When our sisters choose to become “the other woman,” it severs the bonds of our sisterhood, and: “It leaves us distrusting of the very sisterhood we should be able to turn to when we feel broken.”
Think about that, and until next week ladies, stand strong. For my friends who have, or are going through the fires of dealing with an affair in your marriage, my heart is with you. All of us who have gone through it are with you. Cry when you need to cry. Scream when you need to scream. Curl up when you need to curl up. Just don’t forget that you are a woman, you are strong. We are your sisters, and we’ve got you.
I welcome your respectful comments on this, or any other post. In fact, I would love to know where you stand on loyalty. Do you agree that women should be loyal to one another? Leave your comments, and if you have enjoyed this post, please also subscribe to my once-a-week post in the appropriate section. Thank you all for your time, and generous support.