Asking “what are/were you thinking?” when getting inside the head of the other woman seems trivial, and a bit simplistic to ask.  Why?  Because a woman knowingly getting involved with another’s woman’s husband, to most of us, is clearly NOT thinking.  However, in some of the letters I have received from mistresses for publication in my upcoming book, that is not altogether true.  Unfortunately, some of them did give considerable thought to what they were doing, and despite the possible consequences, they chose to do it anyway.  Getting inside the head of the other woman only takes for an unselfish person to try and think, and act, like a selfish person.  Cast aside the feelings of everyone else, and put what you want at the forefront of everything and everyone else.

One letter I read spoke of a woman who was miserable in her own marriage, and envied the marriage of a couple she had gotten to spend time with at her husband’s company functions.  She noticed how the woman’s husband would shoot her loving looks when he wasn’t standing right next to her; she noticed how he always had his arm around the small of her back anytime he stood near her.  In her mind, in her fantasy, he was the perfect husband.  Another letter tells of a woman who knew the man was married, but felt that since he had pursued her, that somehow justified getting involved with him.  In her mind, since he was unhappy, and on the hunt, if it wasn’t her, it was going to be another woman, and he was a catch, so why not her.

See, getting inside the head of the other woman is not as complicated as some make it seem.  We can see what is in their mind even in the fictional world of television, and film.  We see the mistresses as beautifully seductive forces to be reckoned with, while often time the wives are portrayed as a library-like “Plain Janes.”  Mistresses can see themselves as the answer to a bored husband’s prayers.  They come off as somewhat cold and emotionless, simply using their broad sexual repertoire to fulfill every desire of the betrothed.  The problem with that is, humans, with the exceptions of sociopaths, cannot completely shut down their feelings.  So when getting inside the head of the other woman, we have to wonder what happened to her that she not only sees herself as something only good for a romp in the sack, but more importantly, why she does not believe she deserves better than being what is known today as a “side chic.”  In many of the letters I have received, there is definitely a sense that some of these women are choosing these adulterous relationships so as to keep a real, meaningful connection at bay.  They see the taken husband as a man that will not expect more from them than they are willing to give, emotionally and mentally anyway.  Not that the woeful tale of their own personal heartaches makes for a justifiable reason for contributing to the heartache of yet another woman, however, if getting inside the head of the other woman is the goal, then we have to be open to listening and discerning what is going on with them.

Women have a unique bond simply because we are women.  We have the unique ability to have full-on catharsis when it comes to how another woman may be feeling about one thing or another.  We will cry with a stranger if we are privy to what has broken her spirit.  We seek to comfort one another because we know that our sister can pull strength from our embrace.  We know what the other one is thinking with just a certain look in the eye.  So, getting inside the head of the other woman is not difficult, because even if we would never be “the other woman,” we can still comprehend deficiencies in her life that might lead her to a wayward affair.  However, as women, what we CANNOT comprehend is the wanton disregard for the pain she is consciously causing another woman, that same woman who might have extended her hand of friendship if needed.

We can do better by one another ladies.  Instead of getting inside the head of the other woman, may those women who seek after the spouse of another remember that the woman you betray today, may be the sister you need tomorrow.

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