Last week we were drawn in with Part I of \u201cInterview with a Philanderer.\u201d\u00a0 You found out that he had been involved in the affair for about a year, but more surprisingly, you found out that this husband was still involved with the other woman at the time of this interview.\u00a0 We left off where he was about to tell us with whom he is having the affair. \u00a0Try to keep your emotions in check as you read, Interview with a Philanderer \u2013 Conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Husband: We\u2019ve known her just about all our lives.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Wait\u2026\u201dWE,\u201d who is \u201cWe?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Oh um\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n (he pauses, after a few seconds he lets out a huge sigh, and\nsays\u2026)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: My wife and I<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Your wife knows the woman you\u2019re having an affair\nwith?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Yeah, it\u2019s her best friend, I mean it\u2019s our\nbest friend.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: That\u2019s NOT a friend!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Well my wife believes she\u2019s a good friend.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: How have you both known her almost your entire\nlives?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: We\u2019ve all been friends since like grade school, like since 6th<\/sup> grade.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: And this \u201cgood friend\u201d would clearly have known\nthat you\u2019re not the nicest man \u2013 just quoting your words- and is okay with you\nnot being so nice to her while you\u2019re having this affair? Because you said you started the affair so\nyou could have someone other than your wife to take your issues out on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: I mean yeah, she knows I\u2019m not the nicest\nguy, but she puts up with it.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Why? Most\nwomen who get involved with a married man are often treated very, very nicely\nby the man. What woman would get\ninvolved with a married man who treats them badly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: I wouldn\u2019t say I treat her badly. I mean, I\u2019m still nice to her but since it\u2019s\nnot a real relationship, it\u2019s just about sex, she just listens when I vent at\nher.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Ahhhh, now we might be getting somewhere. So she gives you sex, and she just listens to\nyou. She doesn\u2019t argue with you at all\ndoes she?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Exactly. With my wife, it always turns into a\nbig fight. With [name removed], she just\nlistens and it\u2019s nice.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: So once again, it\u2019s all about you. And let me tell you something. If this woman allows you to \u201cvent at her,\u201d gives\nyou her time, and still sleeps with you, to her, you\u2019re in a real <\/em><\/strong>relationship. My book makes mention of how women will\nbecome whatever they need to become in order to be with, and stay involved\nwith, someone else\u2019s man. Even if she\u2019s\nnot being true to herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: I have to agree with that. A lot of my friends who are having affairs\nsay their girlfriends do stuff they don\u2019t really want to do because they don\u2019t\nwant to lose the relationship.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Not surprising. \nSad, but not surprising. So, back\nto you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband<\/em><\/strong>: What my wife doesn\u2019t understand\nis when I rant, I just need to let it out. \nIt\u2019s not personal, and she always takes it personally. If I\u2019m having a bad day I just need her to\nsit there and listen but she always, always, has to say something, or offers\nher opinions on what I could have done to add to my bad day and that pisses me\noff, and we end up in a fight over something that wasn\u2019t about us in the first\nplace!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Have you told her that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Told her what?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Have you walked into your house, told your wife you\nneeded to talk, or needed to just vent, and that all you want is a listening\near?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Of course.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Really? You\u2019ve\nsaid \u201choney, I had a terrible day and I just need to vent, so please allow me\nto just get this off my chest. This isn\u2019t\nabout us, so please don\u2019t take any of what I\u2019m about to say personally. I just need you to listen.\u201d You\u2019ve said something like that to her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n (The longest pause yet)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: I mean, maybe not those exact words.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Similar words? \nAny words?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: This feels more like marriage counseling than\nan interview.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: It\u2019s just a question. You\u2019re having an affair because you said you\nfound someone who would just let you rant and vent at them without pushing back. I\u2019d be willing to bet that you told your\nmistress why you and your wife fight so much. \nI bet you told her<\/em><\/strong> that you wish your wife would\njust listen to you and not say anything; and if I\u2019m right, what you did was\ngive your mistress a one up on your wife. \nYou didn\u2019t give your wife the same level playing field that you gave\nyour mistress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: You\nknow what? I did tell her that.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: So why could you tell your mistress what you needed\nfrom your wife, but you couldn\u2019t tell your wife<\/em><\/strong> what you\nneeded from her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Long silence)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: You\u2019re good.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: I\u2019m not trying to be \u201cgood.\u201d I\u2019m just trying to get to the heart of the\nmatter. It seems to me that you wanted\nto have an affair, maybe because all your friends are doing it, and you used\nthe contention in your marriage as your justification, but you are the cause of\nthe contention. I\u2019m not saying your wife\nmay not be an issue also, but just based on what you\u2019ve told me about why<\/em><\/strong>\nyou started a side relationship, you were going to cheat no matter how your\nwife reacted to your personality flaw. Instead\nof working with<\/em><\/strong> your wife, and working on yourself, you made\nthe worse possible choice, and when your wife finds out, all you\u2019re going to be\nable to tell her is that you did it so you could be nicer to her. Come on, really?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Why do you keep saying, \u201cwhen she finds out?\u201d Like you\u2019re going to tell her or something.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Yes, I\u2019m going to place an ad on television that\nwill be for some wife of an anonymous husband who is having an affair with some\nwoman. I think she\u2019ll figure out it\u2019s\nyou (I say as sarcastically as possible)<\/strong>. I keep saying \u201cwhen she finds out,\u201d because at\nsome point she will. She may already\nhave a sneaking suspicion. We have a\nvery strong female intuition, and we know our husbands. Some way, somehow, your wife will<\/em><\/strong>\nfind out. It could be that her \u201cgood friend\u201d\ndevelops a conscience and tells her out of guilt. She could fall in love with you, and tell your\nwife in an effort to break up your marriage to get you all to herself. Someone else may know about your affair and\ntell your wife. There is even the remote\npossibility that your wife will just come out and ask you if you\u2019re cheating on\nher, and you may just man-up and tell her the truth. However it happens, I\u2019m telling you, she will\nfind out sooner or later. Have you even given\nit a moment\u2019s thought what you\u2019re going to do to your wife\u2019s heart and mind\nwhen she does find out? Do you have a\nclue how devastating it\u2019s going to be for her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Honestly, I haven\u2019t really thought about it because\nI really don\u2019t think she\u2019s going to find out.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Ok, you\u2019re still on that. Ok then, so you know your wife very\nwell. How do you think she is going to\nfeel and react if<\/em><\/strong> she finds out? Can you give me an answer with an \u201cif<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: That\u2019s\nbetter.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n (When he said \u201cthat\u2019s better,\u201d I was literally thinking, \u201cwhat\nan idiot\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: IF she were to find out, I know she\nwould be devastated. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Devastated in what ways? You know her, how will it affect her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Knowing her, she\u2019ll probably shut down. She\u2019ll tell me to pack my sh** and get\nout. She won\u2019t ask me any questions in\nthat moment. She would probably look at\nme in a way I don\u2019t even wanna think about. \nI can see myself in some hotel thinking about what she\u2019s going through\nat home. I can see her curled up on our\nbed just crying; crying inconsolably. I can\nsee her not sleeping, and not eating, and not talking to anyone.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n (He actually clears his throat in a manner that makes me\nthink he is getting a little choked up)<\/p>\n\n\n\n (I pause to give him a second before I go on)<\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: And is that\nwhat you think your wife deserves from you just because she takes your ranting\npersonally? Because the two of you get\ninto arguments?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Well no one DESERVES that. I mean, that\u2019s kind of a ridiculous question.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: No, what\u2019s ridiculous is that you began an affair with\nyour wife\u2019s childhood friend because she doesn\u2019t push back at your unkindness,\nbecause you told<\/em><\/strong> her the secret to what makes you happy\ninstead of telling your wife what would make you happy. Speaking of this childhood \u201cfriend,\u201d what has\nshe said, if anything, about what she\u2019s doing to her best friend?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: We had a conversation in the beginning about\nit, and she said she felt bad. She has\nsaid a time or two that if I wanted to stop she wouldn\u2019t try and convince me no\nto<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: But what is her reason for getting involved with\nher best friend\u2019s husband? Did they have\na falling out? Had they grown\napart? I mean, what could cause a best\nfriend to betray a friend in the worse way possible?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: No, they were as close as ever.\u00a0 You would have to ask her why to get her reason.\u00a0 But, she was just always there to listen.\u00a0 She was a sounding board for both me and my wife over the years.\u00a0 We both told her what was going on in our marriage.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: So just another woman who took what she knew, and decided\nto use it to her advantage. That\u2019s why\nmy book is so important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Why?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Because it has a strong focus on strengthening our\nsisterhood by building up loyalty towards one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: That\u2019s what it\u2019s about?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Well it\u2019s based on my interactions with my\nex-husband\u2019s mistress. It tells my\nstory, and it includes real-life letters that both wives and mistresses volunteered\nto write for publication, in an effort to open the floodgates of communication\non the topic of women helping to devastate other women\u2019s lives over a man\u2026more\npoignantly, a married man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Wow, that sounds incredible. I hope it does well. I think it will \u2018cause you\u2019re good. If it\u2019s anything like this interview, it\u2019s\ngonna be a best-seller.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n (We both chuckle)<\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Thank you, I hope so as well. It\u2019s long overdue. So anyway, you said this friend feels, or\nfelt bad, but clearly not bad enough to not do it, and certainly not bad enough\nto end it right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Well we didn\u2019t set out to hurt her. It just happened.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Gotta stop\nyou right there. Adultery does not just<\/em><\/strong>\nhappen. To cheat takes forethought and some\ninsight. It takes communication. It takes planning. All of those are conscious decisions that\nlead to active choices. It did not \u201cjust\nhappen.\u201d That\u2019s a cliched statement used\nto try and gloss over a level of responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Your husband must have said that to you.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: I\u2019ve just heard that oft-used excuse more times\nthan I can count. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: So what now?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: That\u2019s up to you. \nI\u2019ll tell you though, as a woman, as an ex-wife, as hard as it would be,\nit\u2019ll be better if you tell her before she finds out some other way. I found out when my ex\u2019s mistress called me\nherself and told me. If<\/em><\/strong>\nshe finds out, and when and if she ever speaks to you again, if you didn\u2019t tell\nher, one of the very first questions she will ask you will be why didn\u2019t you\ntell her? Why did she have to find out\nsome other way? And if your only answer is\nthe standard, \u201cbecause I didn\u2019t want to hurt you,\u201d that type of cliched expression\nis only going to make it harder for you two to communicate effectively. She\u2019s going to want honest, from the heart\nanswers, and if you can\u2019t give her that, you may lose any opportunity for\nreconciliation, if that\u2019s what you\u2019ll want at that time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: So what should I tell her IF she ever finds\nout?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Oh no, I\u2019m not going to spoon-feed you answers so\nyou can sound like you\u2019re speaking from the heart, when in fact you\u2019ll just be parroting\nwhat someone else told you. You\u2019ll have\nto recognize the damage you\u2019ve caused, and be more honest than you\u2019ve ever been\nin your entire life. But we\u2019re talking\nabout the after-effect. You\u2019re still having\nthe affair. That\u2019s what you need to deal\nwith first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: I know I do. \nEven before I saw your post I was already thinking about how to end\nit. Can you give me any advice for that?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Nope! You\nstarted it on your own, you can end it on your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husand: So is that it? \nDid I answer all your questions?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Pretty much. \nThank you so much for doing this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (He chuckles)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: You\u2019re thanking me, and I know you don\u2019t like\nme very much.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: How I feel about you should be the furthest thing from\nyour mind. What I think has nothing to\ndo with my appreciation towards you for being willing to give me this\ninterview. So again, I thank you, and\nall I can say is I hope you take something away from this interview that keeps you\nthinking about what you\u2019re doing to your marriage, your wife, and to\nyourself. Do you have anything else you\u2019d\nlike to say or add before we go?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Um, not really. You\u2019re good. \nThanks for not judging me, out loud anyway.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n (We both laugh)<\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: You\u2019re welcome. \nOk, well feel free to email me down the road when\u2026I mean if<\/em><\/strong>\nshe ever finds out. I\u2019d like to\ninterview you again if<\/em><\/strong> that happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Ok<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LeTisha: Thank you. Bye<\/p>\n\n\n\n Husband: Bye<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Well that\u2019s it\nfor this Interview with a Philanderer. I\ncertainly would love to have your feedback and\/or comments on this, or any of\nmy other posts. Please be sure and read\nsome of the real-life letters from wives to mistresses in my previous blogs. They are excerpts from my upcoming book,\n\u201cWoman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019ve\nenjoyed what you\u2019ve read here on my site, please subscribe to this once-a-week\nblog. Thank you so much for your\nsupport.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Last week we were drawn in with Part I of \u201cInterview with a Philanderer.\u201d\u00a0 You found out that he had been involved in the affair for about a year, but more surprisingly, you found out that this husband was still involved with the other woman at the time of this interview.\u00a0 We left off where […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":443,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[6,11,21,26,28,42,48,84,85,96,101,104,131,132,167],"class_list":["post-441","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-adultery","tag-author","tag-book","tag-cheater","tag-children","tag-divorce","tag-family","tag-infidelity","tag-interview","tag-marriage","tag-men","tag-mistress","tag-relationships","tag-religion","tag-women"],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/philandering-man-600x400.jpg","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/philandering-man-600x600.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"LeTisha Jackson","author_link":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/?author=3"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/441","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=441"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/441\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/443"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=441"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=441"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=441"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}