{"id":433,"date":"2019-08-11T23:14:31","date_gmt":"2019-08-11T23:14:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/?p=433"},"modified":"2019-08-11T23:14:31","modified_gmt":"2019-08-11T23:14:31","slug":"interview-with-a-philanderer-part-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/?p=433","title":{"rendered":"Interview with a Philanderer \u2013 Part I"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Trying to get this interview with a philanderer \u2013 part I, was not easy at all!<\/em>\u00a0 Entering chat rooms for adulterers was so uncomfortable, and quite frankly made my blood boil.\u00a0 It took everything in me not to get involved in their conversations, and express my disappointment and disgust for the complete lack of shame that was being expressed as I scanned the posts looking for potential interviewees.\u00a0 However, to get an interview with a philanderer I knew I had to stay level-headed, and non-judgmental in order to be bold enough to ask them if they would be willing to talk to me, and share their stories with my readers.\u00a0 Anyway, after posting many requests in a number of forums, 2 men finally decided they would allow me to interview them.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know exactly which of the men from which forum answered my posted request.\u00a0 My call simply stated my purpose, and asked any who were interested to reach out to me via email.\u00a0 I’m sure I don’t even need to tell you they asked for complete anonymity.\u00a0 They didn’t want to use first name only, last name only, not even one<\/em><\/strong> of their initials! So, he will only be known by the title “husband” for this interview.

The interview with the wife<\/a> was touching, the interview with \u201cthe other woman\u201d<\/a> was intriguing, but I gotta tell you, talking with these men who opened up to tell all in an effort to help me out, and perhaps to assuage some of their guilt, were eye-opening.\u00a0 I will post the interview with the other husband after this 2-part interview.

Get ready readers.\u00a0 Here is my interview with a philanderer – Part I.

LeTisha: I don’t even know if thank you is enough, but thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview for me and my readers.

Husband: You’re welcome.\u00a0 This is completely anonymous right? I know you said it would be, I’m just double-checking.
<\/em><\/strong>
LeTisha: More like quadruple-checking
(we both laugh)
LeTisha: Yes, no one will ever know who gave this interview. You will just be known as “husband.”

Husband: But isn’t this call being recorded?<\/em><\/strong>

LeTisha: Yes, but once the call ends, I get a transcription of our conversation, and the conversation itself will be deleted.\u00a0\u00a0

Husband: Do you think it’s possible someone could figure out it’s me?<\/em><\/strong>

LeTisha: I guess it’s possible someone will recognize your voice from THE WORDS ON THE PAPER…(we both burst into laughter)

Husband: Ok that was a stupid question.\u00a0 I\u2019m just really nervous.\u00a0 I feel like talking about this out loud will lead someone to figuring out it\u2019s me.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tisha: Well let me assure you again, no names will be used besides my own, and unfortunately as you know from the chat forum you participate in, there are a lot of other men being unfaithful, so there\u2019s no way for someone to figure out that it\u2019s you giving this interview.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Yeah that\u2019s true.\u00a0 That recognizing my voice from writing on paper was pretty funny.
<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Well, I\u2019m glad we could get some laughter in.\u00a0 Hopefully you’ll remember it so you won\u2019t hate me \u00a0as I ask you some deeply personal questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband:  Well I knew what I was getting myself into<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: I don\u2019t think you did, but let’s get into it anyway.\u00a0 Let me start by asking how long you\u2019ve been, or had you been, married?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: 15, wait no\u2026yeah 15 years<\/em><\/strong>

LeTisha: Are you still married?

Husband: Thankfully yes<\/em><\/strong>

LeTisha: From that answer I take it that your wife knows about the affair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: No, she doesn\u2019t<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Oh ok.\u00a0 When you said \u201cthankfully yes,\u201d my first thought was that she knew, and decided to stay with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: No, she doesn\u2019t know.\u00a0 I said that because I\u2019m not an easy man to put up with.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: So, you\u2019re not easy to put up with in general, so you decided adding cheater to your character flaws would do what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Uh oh, I didn\u2019t know what I was getting into did I?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: We\u2019re both adults.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a journalist like I told you in the email.\u00a0 I\u2019m an ex-wife who has a book coming out related to this subject, and I write a weekly blog centered around adultery.\u00a0 I\u2019ll do my very best to be objective, but this is a deeply personal subject for me, so I\u2019m going to ask questions that women like me rarely get answers to from our husbands who have done this to us.\u00a0 Do you still want to do this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(He pauses for about 5 seconds.\u00a0 I thought the interview was going to end)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Yeah, I\u2019ll do\nit.  It\u2019s the least I can do considering\nall I\u2019ve done.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Thank you. I\nreally do appreciate it.  So, you said\nyou\u2019re thankful your wife has remained with you for 15 years in spite of the\nfact that you\u2019re not an easy man to put up with.  So did you think that having an affair would\nmake you a better husband somehow?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: I know it\nmight sound ridiculous, but on some level I did.  I thought that if I had someone else on the\nside who would also have to put up with me, that might take some of the weight\nof how I am off my wife.  I know that doesn\u2019t\nmake sense to you, but I know lots of husbands who think and feel that\nway.  If we have someone else we can kind\nof take out our frustrations on, then that leaves less to put on our wives.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha:  So wait a minute.  You\u2019re saying, and please correct me if I\u2019m\nmisunderstanding, you can only be nice to your wife if you have another woman\non the side who you can be a jerk to, so that you\u2019re not so much of a jerk to\nyour wife?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Well\u2026yeah.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: I thought I\nheard it all.  Wow.  I don\u2019t think I knew what I<\/em><\/strong> was\ngetting into.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(we both exert a\nnervous type of chuckle)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Ok, so did it\nwork?  Were you nicer to your wife during\nthe affair?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Actually,\nyes, much nicer.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Did your wife\nnotice the change?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Absolutely<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Did she ask\nyou about it? Like, did she ask you why you were acting differently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Yes.  She asked what was going on?  She thought maybe I was seeing a Therapist or\nsomething.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: What did you\nsay?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: I just told\nher I was trying to be a better husband because that\u2019s what she deserves.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: And she\nbelieved you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband:  Why wouldn\u2019t she.  I mean, I was being nicer.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha:  You do see the fatal flaw in that thought\nprocess right?  You tell her she deserves\na husband who treats her kindly, but you\u2019re cheating on her which is one of the\nworse things you can do.  How do you\nreconcile that in your mind?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: I don\u2019t\nreally think about it.  As long as she\u2019s\nhappy, that\u2019s what matters.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Happy.  Hmmm.  So\nas long as your wife is blissfully unaware of what you\u2019re doing, you think what\nyou\u2019re doing is working, therefore having an affair, in your mind, is ok?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: It\u2019s not that\nI think cheating is ok.  I do know it\u2019s wrong.  I just think I found a way where everybody\u2019s\nhappy.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: You mean you found a way to fulfill your<\/em><\/strong> desires and you\u2019re<\/em><\/strong> happy.\u00a0 Have a woman on the side who does what you want AND<\/em> puts up with your not-too-nice personality, and a wife at home who is fully committed to you, and also would put up with your not so nice self.\u00a0 You do know all that means is you\u2019re looking out for no one but yourself right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: I\u2019m looking\nout for my wife too?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: How?  If she were to find out about the affair, do\nyou think when you tell her that you did it for her happiness that she\u2019s going\nto thank you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: She\u2019s not\ngoing to find out.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: But if she\ndoes, do you think she will be okay with it when you tell her you did it so you\ncould find a way to be \u201cnicer\u201d to her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Well when you\nput it that way, no<\/em><\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: You\u2019re living\nin an unrealistic fantasy world.  The\nonly person who is happy is you.  The only\nperson really getting anything out of the affair is you.  Did you ever consider trying a therapist to\nwork out whatever it was that made you not the nicest person?  I mean, wouldn\u2019t that have been a better\nchoice than cheating on your wife?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Never really\nthought about it.  I guess that might\nhave been a better choice.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: You think?  So, how long did you have the affair?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: It\u2019s been\nabout a year now.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Wait, you\u2019re\nstill with the other woman to this day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Yeah, I\nthought you knew that.  The chat room you\nposted in is for men currently having affairs.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: I didn\u2019t\nrealize that.  I tried not to read too\nmuch of what was being posted.  Ok wow,\ngive me a second to process that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: What\u2019s the difference?  Whether I\u2019m cheating now, or cheated years\nago, does that really matter?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha:\u00a0 I guess not.\u00a0 I do think that once affairs end, and wives or husbands come to find out about their spouses\u2019 infidelities, the thought processes of the accused are often quite different after<\/em><\/strong> they\u2019re exposed than when they\u2019re still having the affair.\u00a0 The other husband who agreed to interview let me know his affair was a couple of years ago, and his interview was very different than this one because he\u2019s had to deal with the fallout of what he did.\u00a0 His thoughts on why he started the affair were also self-centered; he also hadn\u2019t thought of the potential fallout and devastation while he was having the affair.\u00a0 He also had self-serving reasons for why he did it, but being caught and seeing how it affected his entire family made him realize his excuses for having an affair were just that\u2026excuses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: So I take it his interview is more about how\nbad he feels for what he did.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: That\u2019s a part of it.  But he was very forthcoming just as you\u2019re being,\nabout why he did it.  So, let\u2019s get back\nto you now that I know you\u2019re still having the affair.  Where did you meet her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: We\u2019ve known her just about all our lives.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Wait\u2026\u201dwe<\/em><\/strong>,\u201d who is \u201cwe<\/strong><\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Oh um\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(He pauses, after a few seconds he lets out a huge sigh, and says\u2026)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: My wife and I<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LeTisha: Your wife knows the woman you\u2019re having an affair with?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband: Yes, it\u2019s\u2026 <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To find out who this husband is having an affair with, be sure to come back next week when I post the conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please stick around, and read some of the real-life letters from wives to mistresses in my previous blogs.\u00a0 They are excerpts from my upcoming book, \u201cWoman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve enjoyed what you\u2019ve read here, or in any of\nmy other posts, please subscribe to this once-a-week blog.  Thank you for your support.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trying to get this interview with a philanderer \u2013 part I, was not easy at all!\u00a0 Entering chat rooms for adulterers was so uncomfortable, and quite frankly made my blood boil.\u00a0 It took everything in me not to get involved in their conversations, and express my disappointment and disgust for the complete lack of shame […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":438,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[6,11,21,26,42,48,79,84,86,96,101,104,112,131,132,165],"class_list":["post-433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-adultery","tag-author","tag-book","tag-cheater","tag-divorce","tag-family","tag-husband","tag-infidelity","tag-interviews","tag-marriage","tag-men","tag-mistress","tag-new-writers","tag-relationships","tag-religion","tag-wife"],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/deceitmale-600x400.jpg","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/deceitmale-600x600.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"LeTisha Jackson","author_link":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/?author=3"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/433","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=433"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/433\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=433"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=433"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letishajackson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=433"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}