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My interview with Jayla ended last week where I asked Jayla what happened between her and her husband after she got off the phone with his mistress. We’ll pick it up from there.
Enjoy the conclusion of “Interview w/a Betrayed Wife: Homewrecker Hypocrisy.”
LeTisha: Thank you Jayla. It’s hard being patient. I hoped to put it out this summer, but the virus resurged. Now it’s looking like it won’t be till next year, but I’m okay with that. I’ll just keep working on it, and growing my audience so it can have a successful release. Thank you for the encouragement. But, back to you girl. How did things go down with your husband after that phone call?
Jayla: LeTisha, it was…
(she pauses for about 7 seconds, and her voice is cracking when she begins talking)
Jayla: It was…it was awful. That’s all I can say.
LeTisha: Are you okay?
Jayla: No. No, I’m not.
LeTisha: Do you want to end here, or finish up another day?
Jayla: Nope. I contacted you. I want to tell the whole story.
LeTisha: Okay, but if you change your mind, it’s no problem to finish later.
LeTisha: So, how did you confront your husband with what you had just found out?
Jayla: I did something I shouldn’t have.
LeTisha: Oh lord.
Jayla: As soon as he came through the front door, I…
Jayla: I socked his ass!
Jayla: Yeah yikes. I’ve never put my hands on anyone. I can honestly say it wasn’t a plan. I don’t know. He walked in like life was normal. I saw red because my life was just torn apart.
LeTisha: Did he hit you back?
Jayla: No. I think he was too shocked to react.
LeTisha: I bet. Were you thinking anything in the moments he was in shock?
Jayla: I remember thinking, well asking myself, what I was going to do if he rose up and hit me back.
LeTisha: Yeah, that’s a reasonable thought. Do you remember how long the moment lasted from the hit to when he finally said or did something?
Jayla: It seemed like forever, but honestly it was probably only a few seconds. He just looked at me and I remember like flaming hot tears just started running down my face. He just looked at me. Didn’t ask me what was wrong or was I okay.
LeTisha: Because he knew you knew right?
Jayla: Yep. He walked over to the table and sat down with his head in his hands. I just stood there looking at him, waiting for him to say something…say anything.
LeTisha: Had you even given thought to what it was you wanted to hear from him?
Jayla: That’s a good question. No, not really. I mean, what could he say? Lie about it? That would only make me madder. He KNOWS how much I hate liars.
LeTisha: So, did you go sit at the table?
Jayla: Nope. I just kept standing there looking at him.
LeTisha: I bet he could feel you burning a hole in his head.
Jayla: I was too girl. I remember having a quick thought that hopefully his head would blow up from my staring at it.
(we both laugh)
Jayla: He finally looked up at me with big crocodile tears in his eyes and said he was sorry. I asked him what exactly he was sorry for. He said “you know, do I have to say it?” I said, you didn’t mind DOING it, so why is it hard for you to say it? He said “yeah, you right, I fuc*** up.” I said, you did more than that. He said “what you mean?” I said, you losing your whole family over some bit**! He said, “you don’t even wanna try to work it out?” I said, work out what? You’re the one who needs to work something out ‘cause we’re over. He had the nerve to ask me if 22 years was worth letting go for one mistake.
LeTisha: There it is! That overly misused word “mistake.” How the word mistake got so misappropriated when it comes to cheating I’ll never understand.
Jayla: Right? I thought I was the only one who thought that.
LeTisha: Nope. Everything that leads up to actually having sex with another person that’s not your spouse, the flirtation, the secret calls and texts, the secret plans to meet up to have sex…those are all conscious and intentional things you do which proves it’s not a “mistake.” A poor decision, bad judgment sure, but it’s doesn’t even come close to being a mistake. I think they think calling it a mistake somehow lessens the effect of what they did. Well it doesn’t. Calling it a mistake is an insult and to me it’s them trying to shirk some of the responsibility.
Jayla: Exactly! Like calling it a mistake will make us say “oh ok, it was just an accident that you fuc*** another woman, ok, I forgive you then since it was just an accident.”
LeTisha: Yep. So, what was your reply?
Jayla: I told him that HE was the one who risked the 22 years, not me. I asked him how it was a mistake. I asked him if he tripped and fell in her coochy.
(I chuckle lightly)
Jayla: He actually told me I was right, that it wasn’t a mistake.
LeTisha: Wasn’t expecting that.
Jayla: Me neither but it didn’t change anything. I asked him was his fiancée worth losing all of us over and he said “no.” I said she must have had something he was holding on to ‘cause he was with her for 10 whole months. He said, “wait a minute, how you know that?” I told him I hadn’t too long gotten off the phone with his fiancée.
LeTisha: Whoa! What did he say about that?
Jayla: He looked surprised. He said “she called to tell you that?” I said yep and that she told me about him being a runaway groom; calling off the wedding over a made-up argument. Girl he just looked like he got gut punched for real.
LeTisha: Mmm hmm…because he knew you had some facts so he wouldn’t be able to lie his way out of it.
Jayla: I think he was surprised his little mistress had enough guts to call me cause he said he didn’t think she had it in her. He said he didn’t even know how she got my number, but that she had threatened him that she would call and tell me what he was doing if he tried to leave.
LeTisha: Oh my God that is SO weak! My ex tried to tell me the same thing about his mistress. That she was threatening him with different things that she would do and tell me if he tried to come back to me. That made me lose something for him because he was, you know, so street tough but was supposedly allowing some girl to basically blackmail him into staying with her. Like, where are your balls? And how are you even attracted to a woman that’s supposedly blackmailing you? That is so weak.
Jayla: Yes it’s weak as hell. I told him he didn’t have to be threatened anymore ‘cause she could have him.
LeTisha: Did you mean it?
Jayla: I meant it in that moment.
LeTisha: I understand that. We really do mean it when our emotions are raw and the news is fresh in our minds.
LeTisha: So where are you now? I mean, did you put him out?
Jayla: I did.
LeTisha: Wow. So, dare I ask…did he move in with her?
Jayla: I think so, but he said he’s staying with a friend of his. His friend did tell me he’s been there but I don’t trust none of’em, so, yeah.
LeTisha: Do you really want to end your marriage at this point?
Jayla: I don’t know. I go back and forth all the time. One minute I feel empowered for kicking his ass out, but the next minute I’m crying ‘cause I miss him so much and I just want to tell him to come home and work through it with him.
LeTisha: What stops you from doing that?
Jayla: Fear. I’m so scared that…
(she starts crying…I give her time)
LeTisha: I know you’re not okay so I’ll just ask if you want to stop. We’re almost done anyway.
(she is sobbing at this point and my eyes start to fill up with tears; I can feel her pain)
LeTisha: I can really feel your pain Jayla. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, that your kids are going through this.
Jayla: Thank you. That fear that he could do this to me again is so heavy on my heart and mind, and I just don’t think, no, I KNOW I wouldn’t be able to handle it another time.
LeTisha: I and many wives know exactly what you’re talking about with that fear. It’s paralyzing. And speaking of other women…what are your feelings about women who get involved with our husbands?
Jayla: I used to think that married men were solely at fault if they cheated, but now that I’m dealing with it, I see exactly why you wrote your book. I said it before and I’ll say it again, I agree with you, it IS a betrayal of our sisterhood. It’s a slap in the face to women when our sisters have no problem inflicting this kind of pain on another woman. I just don’t understand it. That would be like you going out and sleeping with another woman’s husband now while KNOWING the pain you had put on you by your husband’s mistress! It’s just, I mean betrayal is the perfect word for it. She betrayed her womanhood. She betrayed her morals. She betrayed me and my kids. She’s a woman. How could she take part in hurting me so bad? You know, like, what did I do to her?
LeTisha: And there it is, a question I ask in my book…”what did I ever do to you to make you want to hurt me in the worse way possible?” Women who get involved with married men know what they’re contributing to and yet, the problem is getting worse. No matter how far we advance as a gender, the betrayals we put on each other are the ones that mean so much, because they’re betrayals that contribute to the demise and devastation of entire family’s. Do you have anything else you’d like to add or say?
Jayla: Umm, just that I hate that it took for me to have this happen to me to see your point of view.
LeTisha: I don’t like to tell people how they should feel, but please don’t beat yourself up over that, or even let that occupy space in your mind. You have enough to process. All that matters is you working through this time for yourself and your kids. I do appreciate it though, that you understand where I, and so many other wives, are coming from. We have GOT to do better by each other.
Jayla: Yes we do.
LeTisha: Well Ms. Jayla, I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to do this interview for us, and for being so open. Whatever you decide to do about your marriage is your business. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should do about YOUR marriage. I’m here for you if you need a listening ear.
Jayla: Thank you LeTisha, I believe that. Thank you for this. It actually does help to talk about it with a woman who’s been through it. Don’t forget to tell me when and where I can buy your book when it comes out.
LeTisha: I will, and I thank you for your support Jayla. I hope your heart heals from moment to moment, and I hope your babies get through this as well.
Jayla: Thank you.
LeTisha: You’re welcome. You go and try to have a peaceful day sis.
Jayla: Ok, I will. Bye.
LeTisha: Bye-bye for now.
Unfortunately far too many of you know exactly how Jayla is feeling. I send you thoughts of comfort as well. If you’d like to share your story in an interview, please contact me through this site. It can be completely confidential.
I’m working on getting interviews with women who are in prison for assaulting, and even murdering other women over a man. In the meantime, I will keep providing heartfelt content for you to enjoy.
Thank you for your continued support. I hope each of you and your loved ones are safe and well during these trying times.
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