In this weeks interview with true heartache – the conclusion, we’ll pick up where I asked Lyla how she was feeling about women in general after discovering her husband’s affair. If you missed part 1 of this interview, you have to go back and read it to fully appreciate the pain and honesty of this wife’s situation. You’re also about to find out why exactly Lyla found herself upset with me, and it’s a rather logical explanation, and one with which I sympathize. So, enjoy now, interview with true heartache – the conclusion.
LeTisha: … So, you just asked a poignant question about the women on the other side of affairs. What is your take on women now, has your view of us changed at all?
Lyla: In keeping with being 100% honest LeTisha, it wasn’t until a friend of mine had forwarded me one of your posts that I even gave thought about the betrayal being put upon me by her. I mean yes I was angry at her, but that was kind of an in the moment anger because she had the nerve to call me, and she was just so um, how can I put it, she just sounded so full of herself, no remorse, she called me to open the wound and once she did that, she just hung up.
LeTisha: So once you allowed yourself to think about it, what did you think or feel?
Lyla: I absolutely felt…feel, a strong sense of betrayal. I thought “how could a woman be a part of tearing another woman’s family completely apart?” MY family! I remembered my face got really hot. It was like I didn’t know how to process these new thoughts and feelings. I wanted to cry, I wanted to be angry, I wanted to kill her, I wanted to question her…I was all over the place. I was even a little angry with you.
LeTisha: Me? Why me?
Lyla: Because before you made her part in it more of a reality for me, all I was contending with were feelings of hatred and pain towards my husband, and that was all encompassing enough, but thanks to you, now I had to deal with these indescribable feelings towards the other guilty party and it was, and still is, just way too much to deal with.
LeTisha: I wasn’t expecting that.
Lyla: I bet.
(We both chuckle)
LeTisha: I’m sorry that my book hit you that way, that’s definitely not what I intended for it to do, cause you more pain. I mean, I did want it to, you know, be taken seriously by my readers, it’s a very sensitive and serious subject – especially if you’re a wife or a mistress. I do want it to be taken to heart, but I definitely didn’t want it to be a further source of pain for wives who are already dealing with enough. I didn’t really realize that so many wives had not really given the mistresses much more thought. It seems, by the many letters I’m still receiving, that some wives recognize there’s another woman, but they only focus their feelings and anger on their spouses. For me it’s a double-edged sword now, I’m causing more heartache but I’m also sparking the real conversation we’ve needed to have for so long. An hour-long TV talk show is nowhere near enough time to delve into this matter.
Lyla: I know, I know…and you can’t be sorry for speaking your truth.
LeTisha: Don’t you think it’s a truth that belongs to all women? I don’t think it’s just my truth.
Lyla: Yeah, I guess if you mean the truth that we have probably all experienced this type of heartache, and that we should be way more sympathetic towards one another, yes, I think that’s a truth we all share. Problem is, there’s no more sympathy when some whore decides she wants to interfere with another woman’s marriage.
LeTisha: That is actually one of the points brought out in my book. I agree whole-heartedly with that, and it’s a shame. We’ll stand together and support each other through just about anything, but boy oh boy, let a man enter the picture and all of that is gone! What’s wrong with us? It almost seems as if there’s a biological occurrence that takes place, like when a certain chemical that has to due with desire hits our brains, it cuts off the part of the brain that uses common sense and elicits compassion.
Lyla: You might be on to something, because the problem isn’t getting better, it’s getting worse.
LeTisha: I think so too. Because if you take that and put it with the world we live in today where so many think you should be able to do whatever you want as long as you’re happy, we end up where we are, with a sad and selfish society where having morals is actually laughed at.
Lyla: You’re right about that.
LeTisha: So, kind of back tracking a little. When you were faced with the new feelings towards the other woman, how did you, or actually, how are you dealing with those feelings?
Lyla: It’s kind of hard to put into words honestly, um…I get these, you know, these waves of anger towards her, and then there’s this part of my brain that kicks in and tells me, ‘no it’s all my husband’s fault,’ but I now realize, that the other woman does have, you know, responsibility for what’s happened to me and my family. It would have been different if she didn’t know that he was married and he just played her too, but she knew! So it’s hard to forgive when someone intentionally sets out to hurt you. And she may not see it that way, but that’s the reality of it. When you think about what you’re doing and you know a man is married, and that there’s a wife on the other side, you are making it your intent to hurt that woman who has never done a god**** thing to you! So honestly, I don’t know how to answer that question. Sometimes I think I’m making headway into getting past them, but then out of nowhere my face gets hot and I just want to hunt her down and…well, anyway. The feelings are still so new and raw, but I’m trying to focus on healing for me if that makes sense.
LeTisha: Of course that makes sense.
Lyla: I’m trying not to focus on her even though I have to deal with the feelings about her, and I know if I don’t learn to manage those feelings it’s going to eat me alive. I even have thoughts of wishing bad stuff would happen to her and that’s awful, that’s not who I am, that’s not who I want to be. I don’t know, that’s just a hard question to answer, sorry for rambling.
LeTisha: No, I get it, I think a lot of wives get it; what we need is for the women who do this to get it. I completely understand the mixed emotions because yes, as much as we recognize that it’s our husbands who broke the wedding vow, on the other side is this woman who has broken a trust as well.
Lyla: I agree. She knew he was married. She knew we have children and none of that mattered to her even though she too has been married, and she also has a child. The more I talk about her out loud the more the betrayal is cemented.
LeTisha: Exactly. How can women, the vast majority of whom themselves have experienced the despair of being cheated on, give absolutely no thought about what she is about to put on another woman? How do you do that? I mean do they really not think about it? Or do they think about it and just not care? Are they somehow able to justify doing it because it was done to them? I really hope I can find out why it’s so easy for us to do this to each other.
Lyla: I think it’s more of that…being able to somehow justify doing it to another woman because another woman did it to them.
LeTisha: Perhaps. Then that means we’re in a sick cycle that’s going to continue to keep us from having a real sisterhood where we can truly support and trust one another. The lack of trust among us is as damaging as a lack of trust in a relationship.
Lyla: Yea, it keeps you from getting close and it tears at the foundation of our friendships.
LeTisha: Exactly. So, any last words for me, the readers, your husband, or “her?”
Lyla: Um, give me a moment to think about it. Well for you, I’m still upset with you for putting more on my heart to carry, but I thank you at the same time for bringing this to light for me because at least I know I’m not alone, and that my thoughts and feelings are vindicated by other women like you who have experienced this first hand. For “her” or women like her…let me try and be mature about this. Um, for them, just stop; stop and think about what you’re allowing yourselves to be a part of. Realize that you deserve more as well. Look out for your sisters and if you can’t do that, then be selfish about it and look out for yourselves, by that I mean, don’t knowingly put yourself in a situation where you let your heart end up crushed because you find out he’s never leaving his wife and you were just a tryst…I mean that would hurt too. And what I have to say to all husband’s, just fuck*** leave! If you don’t want to be married any longer, just leave! It’ll hurt but at least you will have left yourself and your wife with a little bit of dignity.
LeTisha: Nicely put Lyla. Thank you so much. I hope you’ll forgive me one day.
(We both laugh)
Lyla: We’re sisters, you’re already forgiven.
LeTisha: Yes we are, and thank you for that; and thank you so much for doing this amazing interview for me and the readers. I appreciate you so much, and I’m here if you ever just want to talk…off the record, of course.
Lyla: I’m sure I’ll need to. You’re welcome.
Thank all of you for coming back this week, and for all the loving support you continue to show. I’m sure Lyla would love to get some words of support from you, so please be sure to leave your comments and feedback.
We are getting closer and closer to the publication date of “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses,” but in the meantime, be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don’t miss future excerpts, and especially the next interview I’m going to post. It’s another interview with a mistress…and boy is it a doozy!