Hello loyal family and friends! I hope you all are ready for this Interview with True Heartache – Part 1. This wife, Lyla, is the most intense interview to date. She is forthcoming, honest and raw, as she only recently found out the devastating news that her husband was having an affair. She doesn’t hold back on any of what she was, and is, feeling. It is stories like hers that make my book so necessary. So sit back, open your hearts to Lyla while she talks to us all in this Interview with True Heartache – Part 1.
LeTisha: Good morning Lyla, how are you?
Lyla: Good morning, I’m good and yourself?
LeTisha: I’m great, thank you for asking. Well first allow me to thank you for taking the time to do this interview for me and my readers.
Lyla: You’re welcome.
LeTisha: Well let me start off first by asking, how long have you been married?
Lyla: We’ve been married for 13 years now, but we’ve been together for 20 years altogether.
LeTisha: That’s a long time, and how did you meet?
Lyla: We were high school sweethearts. It was kind of the typical high school relationship; I was a cheerleader, he was a football player and our families knew each other, so we just kind of fit together in every way.
LeTisha: Do you remember if the two of you ever had the lovey-dovey conversations as kids about being together forever?
(We both laugh)
Lyla: Of course we did!
LeTisha: Do you have children together?
Lyla: Two boys and one girl, they are 11, 9 and 4.
LeTisha: That’s nice. And are you and your husband still together at the moment?
Lyla: Um yes and no. I mean he’s still at the house, but he’s sleeping in the guest room.
LeTisha: That’s gotta be tough. Do your kids understand or ask what’s going on since daddy’s in another room?
Lyla: Absolutely they do. I just tell them that mommy and daddy are just a little upset with each other right now and just need to have our space.
LeTisha: I’m certain that that had to be a difficult conversation for you, sounds like this is something that happened fairly recently.
Lyla: Difficult to say the least, and yes, I just found out about his…
(Her pause makes me think she is trying to come up with the right word)
Lyla:…disgusting behavior about a month ago.
LeTisha: Oh my god, so this is extremely raw for you? I am so, so sorry. I gotta say I’m surprised you’re ready to talk about it so soon.
Lyla: I’m a talker, and talking has always helped me to deal with my feelings, and I found out that you wrote a book about what you went through with your husband’s mistress, and that your book is going to have a different take on adultery, I figured who better to talk to.
LeTisha: Well I’m flattered and honored that you would pick me to open up to…actually, you’re opening up to a lot of people, so I thank you again.
Lyla: I thank you too.
LeTisha: So, how did you find out about your husband’s affair?
Lyla: She called and told me.
LeTisha: Wow! So many wives that wrote to me, and that I’ve spoken with, have the same experience. So how did that go?
Lyla: Well I was on my way to pick up one of my children from school and my phone rang. No sooner than I answered and said hello a woman’s voice just blurted out and asked “do you know your husband has a girlfriend?”
LeTisha: Wow so like no greeting? No working her way up to it, just right out with it? Oh my God what was your reaction?
Lyla: I almost rear ended the person in front of me. I don’t even remember exactly what I was thinking or how I felt, I just know that I was shocked and really came maybe a second from hitting the car in front of me.
LeTisha: Oh my god, so how did the conversation go from there?
Lyla: Well I don’t know if you allow any profanity in your interview’s, but I just said who the f*** is this? She told me her name and I asked her how she got my number and the bi*** had the nerve to get smart with me by saying, “how do you think I got it? I got it from my man!” I said, ‘you mean you got it from my husband?’ She then said something like, well he’s not going to be your husband for long and I just thought you should know, and then she hung up.
LeTisha: Do you recall how you were feeling once she hung up?
Lyla: I was shaking. I was physically shaking. No I was trembling and I couldn’t breathe. I started crying. I had to pull over because I just didn’t have control over how I was feeling. I pulled into a parking lot and it had to be for at least 10 minutes, but it could have been an hour for all I knew ‘cause I felt like I was, like in an alternate state, an alternate world.
LeTisha: I’m not kidding, I actually had that experience too. It’s an odd indescribable feeling. You really do almost feel like you’re in a Twilight zone.
Lyla: I don’t know what it was, I just knew I could barely catch my breath and my tears were stinging my eyes, and like burning my face…I had never felt such intense pain before in my life.
(Her voice began to tremble as if she were about to cry)
LeTisha: I’m so sorry Lyla…are you ok?
Lyla: I mean I’m not really okay, but I’m…I don’t know what I am, but I can keep going.
LeTisha: Okay but please let me know if it’s too much or if you just need to stop for a moment okay?
Lyla: Thank you, I will.
LeTisha: So, you were heading to pick up your child; I can only imagine you really did your best to make yourself not look sad in front of them.
Lyla: You’re right. I didn’t want her to see me like that, so yeah, I continued on to pick up my daughter from school and I don’t remember getting to the school. I don’t remember walking in the school to get her. All I remember honestly is by the time I zoned in we were at home; and I know that sounds horrible, but I really don’t remember a whole lot immediately after that phone call.
LeTisha: No, I swear I had the exact same experience! I got the call from my then husband’s mistress while I was at work, and I worked quite a distance from where I lived. I seriously remember only getting in the car, next thing I knew I was pulling up in front of my house. So I really do know what you’re talking about. See it’s these shared experiences, these shared emotions, these shared feelings that we women have in common in a situation like this. That’s exactly why I believe my book is so important. It’s why I point out that the betrayal from the other woman in these situations, is just…it’s just heartbreaking because we do know what the other woman feels like, but yet and still that doesn’t stop us from putting this excruciating heartache on one another by continuing to get involved with another woman’s husband. That’s why women are the sole focus of my book, that rubs some women the wrong way, but it’s necessary because it’s about our dynamic with one another, it’s about building up loyalty to strengthen our sisterhood. That’s why I wrote the book because it has to stop, it’s just gotta stop.
Lyla: I agree with you, and I just, I don’t understand it. I’ve never gotten involved with another woman’s husband, not even another woman’s boyfriend, and so it just boggles my mind that other women don’t have a problem doing to this to another woman.
LeTisha: I know what you mean. So, do you recall what you did, how you confronted your husband, if in fact that’s what you did?
Lyla: Yea, I couldn’t decide whether to call him and ruin his day at work and make him fearful to come home, or to just kind of throw it at him as soon as he walked through the door, kind of do to him what his quote unquote girlfriend did to me…no greeting, no hello, just right out with it.
LeTisha: Hmmm, so which did you choose?
Lyla: Well I kind of wanted him to feel how I felt, so as soon as he walked through the door I asked, “so who is XXXXXX? Who is this woman that called me today and said that she’s your f****** girlfriend?” And he dropped his briefcase, it hit the floor, opened up, and I remember the papers floating down and it all played out in super slow motion, like in a movie, I don’t know what that was. I swear I could see the blood draining from his face. Of course his reaction told me everything I needed to know, but he actually had the nerve to try and tell me that he didn’t know what I was talking about. And I’m embarrassed to say this now, but I walked up to him, got right in his face and said “if you try and treat me like I’m stupid, like I don’t know you, like your reaction didn’t just tell everything, I am going to slap the s*** out of you! So let me ask you again…who is this b**** who called me and said that she’s your girlfriend?”
LeTisha: Wow! Well at least you gave him a second chance.
(We both chuckle)
Lyla: Well he asked me if we had to talk about it right at that moment because the other 2 kids were going to be home in a couple of minutes. So, I just walked away and started to get dinner ready. I didn’t want my kids to walk in right in the middle of that either.
LeTisha: Well that’s good.
Lyla: I made plans for the three of them to go on a play date after dinner so he and I could talk, and after they were gone I just looked at him and said “well?” And I swear it took him at least 20 minutes to get the words out of his mouth. That whole time I didn’t say anything, I just sat there looking at him waiting for him to tell me what in the hell was going on. He finally looked up at me and just said he was sorry. He said he didn’t know what else to say. I told him to save his “sorry’s” and tell me who she is, how this happened, and why this happened because I just didn’t understand. I told him I didn’t understand because I thought we had a wonderful relationship. I told him I didn’t understand where this came from. He said that she was a woman he met one night after work while out with a few coworkers for drinks, and he says, you know, she was giving him the eye, he said he was flattered at the attention and he never thought in a million years that she would really talk to him and so he thought it would be harmless to kind of flirt back with her and when she gave him her phone number he said he felt a little boost, I guess in his ego. So I said okay fine, all of that I actually do understand – the ego boost part, not the him flirting back and getting her number part. I said that what I don’t understand is how getting your little ego boost at the bar turned into a full- blown affair! I asked him what I had done, or what had I not done for him, that would make him risk tearing apart our family. I asked him how he could allow himself to be put in a situation where he is going to lose everything we worked so hard for; and of course I asked him what are probably standard questions…what did I do? Do you not love me? Do you love her? And with that question, I just lost it. I lost it. I just remember being on the floor with my face in my hands on the floor crying hysterically. It was very odd because in that moment as angry as I was at him, I also needed him in that moment, I needed the comfort that he was trying to give me. We were both on the floor crying and hugging, but then I got another burst of anger and told him not to touch me. All he could manage to say was “Lyla please don’t leave me. Please don’t take my family away from me.” I told him ‘I’m not taking anything away from you…you threw it away, you trashed it!’ Then I told him to get out.
LeTisha: Is that really what you wanted?
Lyla: Yes! I mean, I was so angry at him that yes I wanted him out of my face; I wanted him out of the house, but then there was this moment where I turned around and saw a picture of our family together and so then I didn’t want him to leave, I didn’t know what I wanted in that moment. All I knew was that my heart felt like somebody reached into my chest and was literally squeezing my heart. I have never felt heartache like that ever before in my life, and I was so angry at him for making me feel that way. I didn’t deserve that from him.
LeTisha: No, you didn’t deserve that.
(We are both crying)
Lyla: None of us, nobody deserves that. He asked me did I really want him to leave, or could he stay, I don’t remember exactly, but he didn’t leave and the kids were going to be home shortly, so I told him we would finish talking after they went to bed.
LeTisha: Do you remember at all what you were thinking during the time you were waiting for your kids to come home?
Lyla: I was trying to remember questions in my head that I didn’t want to forget to ask him. I remember that vividly.
LeTisha: Do you recall what any of those questions were?
Lyla: Did he love her? How long had it been going on? Did he ever bring her to our house? Was she ever in our car? Did he spend our money on her? Did he tell her we were getting a divorce? Was the sex worth it? Questions like that.
LeTisha: And during your conversation that took place later, were you’re able to remember those questions?
Lyla: Yes actually. He told me that he did have feelings for her, but that he was not in love with her. I asked him if he ever told her that he loved her, and he just kind of got this blank stare on his face like he wanted to tell the truth, but he was really trying to temper his answers because he didn’t want me to end our marriage. But he told the truth. He said he did tell her that he loved her. He said he had never brought her to our house; he said he had picked her up in our car a few times, and that he had in fact spent money on her; and then he said he didn’t remember telling her that he was going to divorce me.
LeTisha: Did you find that his honest answers to those questions only made you want to ask more questions, or were those answers somewhat satisfying enough for you?
Lyla: No definitely! His answers only brought up other questions and it’s crazy because some of the questions I asked I really didn’t want to know the answer to like did he tell her he loved her. It was like I needed to know the answer to that question, but I didn’t really want to hear him say that he had. I mean how could my husband of 13 years, the man I’ve devoted my life to, who I thought had devoted his life to me, actually form his lips to tell a woman he barely knows that he loves her? I don’t understand that. He made the word love mean nothing to me at that moment, it meant absolutely nothing because if he could say it to some random whore, then saying it to me all those years meant nothing.
(She begins to cry)
LeTisha: I get that Lyla, I truly feel your pain. I truly, truly don’t ever want to fall in love ever again, and I’ve been single for going on 9 years now, so when I say that, I really mean it. I am so sorry you’re hurting. Do you need a moment?
Lyla: Yes please, just give me a second.
(She either muted the phone, or set it down for about 30 seconds)
Lyla: Ok, I’m back. Sorry about that.
LeTisha: No apology necessary. Do you want to finish this another day?
Lyla: Oh gosh no, I’m okay. This is actually helping me.
LeTisha: In what way?
Lyla: I needed to talk to someone who is not necessarily emotionally invested. And that’s not to say that you don’t truly sympathize with me. I just mean, talking to people who’ve known us offer loving support you know? But sometimes I need an unbiased ear, and definitely someone like you who has actually experienced the same thing. It validates my feelings, because sometimes I actually feel guilty for how I’m feeling. I actually have times when I question whether or not I’m over-reacting, if you can believe that. No one would understand that except someone who has gone through it.
LeTisha: Oh my god do I get that! We internalize some of the feelings, and then we over-think and begin to wonder whether or not we are over-reacting, or if we’re being too hard on them. I remember feeling guilty about finally divorcing him even though I gave him years to come back like he was promising to. Sometimes I still beat myself up over actually going through with divorcing him, as if I’m the one who caused the split. Believe me…I soooo get that.
Lyla: Well from woman to woman…stop doing that. He probably never deserved you. Hey…now I see how you came up with that great title!
(We both laugh)
LeTisha: Well wait until you read the disturbing context in which my ex’s mistress used those words.
Lyla: I seriously can’t wait.
LeTisha: Thank you. So…let’s see, I lost where I was with my questions. Oh ok, so, did your husband tell you how long the affair was going on?
Lyla: It was going on for about 3 months.
LeTisha: Did you believe that it was that short of a time or did that not even really matter?
Lyla: Well I don’t want to say that it didn’t matter because it definitely would have made a big difference if he had said 2 years, but I don’t think it made any difference with how much I was hurting. I just really wanted to know how long he had been deceiving me because I needed to figure out did I not know this man I’ve been with for 20 years, and part of me still feels like I don’t really know him because I didn’t see this coming. I mean we talk all the time, we’re honest with each other, we still make each other laugh, we still go on flirty dates, we have beautiful children, our families get along; we still have the same amazing sexual chemistry and great sex life that we’ve always had, so I just still at this moment when I talk about it, I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. I mean does it really just boil down to his ego and does it really boil down to women are immoral whores and they just don’t have any respect for the sanctity of marriage? I just don’t get it.
LeTisha: I understand all you’re saying, and believe me, a lot of other wives do as well. So you just asked a poignant question about the women on the other side of affairs. What is your take on women now, has your view of us changed at all?
Lyla: In keeping with being 100% honest LeTisha, it wasn’t until a friend of mine had forwarded me one of your posts that I even gave thought about the betrayal being put upon me by her. I mean yes I was angry at her, but that was kind of an in the moment anger because she had the nerve to call me, and she was just so um, how can I put it, she just sounded so full of herself, no remorse, she called me to open the wound and once she did that, she just hung up.
LeTisha: So once you allowed yourself to think about it, what did you think or feel?
Lyla: I absolutely felt…feel, a strong sense of betrayal. I thought “how could a woman be a part of tearing another woman’s family completely apart?” MY family! I remembered my face got really hot. It was like I didn’t know how to process these new thoughts and feelings. I wanted to cry, I wanted to be angry, I wanted to kill her, I wanted to question her…I was all over the place. I was even a little angry with you.
LeTisha: Me? Why me?
Be sure you’re subscribed to my blog so you don’t miss Lyla’s answer to that question in the conclusion of, Interview with True Heartache.
Just to keep you all updated, I am still submitting to literary agents, and I’ve gotten a few bites of interest so far – that means they’ve asked for more information. Literary agents have response times that range from one day up to 3 months! So, while I am patiently awaiting responses to come in, I am also working towards self-publishing should I not find an agent at this time.
Thank you all for sticking with me, and I promise it will be worth the wait! “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses” is going to be a gamechanger.
As always, I welcome your feedback or insight on this, or any other post on my site. I thank you each and every one of you for your time and loving support.